[the amazing GYPSY PXARGORINA tells your fortune by reading your IP address]

[PXARGORINA]

Your IP address is 54.162.234.109
Today is Wednesday, April 26 2017
You will have a abominable day today
Some idiot would never make you pull your hair out

Gypsy Pxargorina's predictions are based your IP address, the date, and her innate mystical ability to divine your future from them. Check back tomorrow for another reading.