|Vlad, leader of the Impalees|
Hookedonfonics Warren of Brothers of the Warren
Well, me, Hookedonfonics Warren the first child of my family, and my other brothers were strodding down the streets of Genghas Town one day, little did we know we would soon come upon the great Romanian warrior, Vlad. We have this B-boy crew called "The Warren Brothers", but people usually call us the "Brothers of the Warren". And also among our ranks is a "mascottio*", ours is ELP, I mean Jeff Ology, a australian midget with three legs and four arms, you better believe he's a real "fly boy*" when it came to breakdancing, but he's pretty much there for show.Well anyways, we were just walking down Kubali Street, in search of stray b-boy crews to battle, such as the "Ian Documenters", "The Discovery chaneleers" and of course "Darth Vaders Possee." Eventually we came along a bunch of guys all in black. Kabanda Warren, our youngest and forth brother stepped up to them. Kabanda has been rearing to join a "genn-u-wine*" cult. "HEY mah hommie gangstah puppies,"Kabanda said in his street slang or as we call it "Shuggalug*". "So are you guys a cult or what?"He asked. The leader of the strange men looked down, he had long brown hair, cat-like eyse and a devilish looking beard. "And why would you want to know?" He said with a thick Romanian accent. Our third brother stepped up, Nerraw Warren, who was much umm angrier than most of us, asked "Hey my "Mofo-mahoma*" you givin' him "sherpah*"?!" More of the dark sinister men stepped up. There were 4 more people in all. Equal to our possee. There was a fat bald one, a skinny one with a greasy shag, a jamaican dude with dreads, and a normal sized guy with a blonde, spiked, mullet. The leader looked his men over,"These are my crew, "The Impalees", Slash, Izzy, Duff, and Axl. I am Vlad but you can call me.....ELP!!!.....I mean PEACHES!!!!" BUM BUM BUM !!!!. Everybody looked up. "Uh, was that you guys?" Asked our second and quiet brother, Kingly King Kingston Warren. Vlad or Peaches as he will be called from now on, simply shook his head. "Anyways you foolish fools, I beleive it is time you met our Mascottio....Impaler!!!" From behind Peaches jumped a tall, golden spear. Jeff set up the music, then the breakdancing battle began. First up Axl and Kabanda started out, Kabanda popped and zapped like a drunken C3-P0, he then went into a series of uprocks, six-steps and coffee mixers, he was just gearing up. Axl did a series of 1990's, 2000's and even the occasional 1967! He finished it all off with a move he like to call the "ELP*". He did a back flip landed on his butt and propelled himself upward with gas....umm he never came down. Kabanda did a little victory "scoot*" and let the next two up. Now it was Nerraw and Duff. Duff began out by doing some crazy custom taunts, he did a bunch of complicated uprocks and went into a bunch of complicated floorwork. But Duff was battling with the king of floor work. Nerraw put his two hands and the center of his stomach, he balanced himself on his two hands and begin to spin like a cyclone. He moved faster and faster like a stoned east german woman!He kicked Duff square in the "gonzo maffusa*" but soon went flying up into the stratosphere. This match was a draw. Then came Izzy and Kingly King Kingston. When it came to breakdancing Kingly was......terrible. But he could Moon walk like a "GNS*". Izzy started things out doing headspins, stop n goes, flares, air-flares and Crickets. All of these nigh impossible moves he did with great precission. Kingly gave him a blank stare and began his magic. He moved his feet back and forth with out making much traction. Slowly he began to move slowly, than he floated, the he LEVITATED!!...Then..when he was just over Izzies head, he farted and toppled down onto Izzy. ELP I mean Kingly King Kingston was the winner!!! Now it looked like me and Slash were up next. Slash did this really annoying move called the Worm... the whollllleee frickin' time, eventually Peaches, I mean Vlad, I mean Peaches, I mean Vlad, I mean Peaches jus took him up and threw him into the gutter shouting, "Back to the place I found you, Swedish wretch!" He stared at me with those freakish,catish, impalerish eyes and as I thought he was about to say some incredibly evilish, impalerish line....he farted. But Vlad has no embarressment. "Lets break...." He said. All of a sudden a giagantic bunch of spotlights,strobe lights and people in baggy, colorful clothes circled around us. I looked up at Peaches, I mean Vlad, I mean Peaches, I mean Vlad, I mean Peaches and asked, "These guys with you?". He just shrugged "I'dno.." Then it began.Trying our best to ignore everything around us we busted our best moves, Pops,locks,Nike kicks,Slushies,Swipes,Stop n Goes, Boomerangs,Turtles,Jackhammers,Applejacks and Suicides. Each move we did better than that before it. But through out it all sometimes we would just freeze in the middle of a move, like in some corny, modern action movie, a'la Matrix....Right weird....Eventualy Peaches, I mean Vlad, I mean Peaches, I mean Vlad, I mean Peaches began to tire. "Impaler!!!ATTACK THE INFIDEL!!!"Yelled Peaches. But instead of seeing a spear coming at my head I saw...nuthin'. "Impaler?"Questioned Peaches, I mean Vlad, I mean Peaches, I mean Vlad, I mean Peaches. He soon saw Impaler dancing with the people that had circled around them. Soon Peaches, I mean Vlad, I mean Peaches, I mean Vlad, I mean Peaches began to cry. Hating to see such a violent man filled with sorrow I went over to comfort him. "Its okay ELP, I mean Vlad....Let it go."
And Vlad let it go. Impaler is currently called Em-PaL3R and is a quite rich rapper. George Bush is still a wanker. The Impalees and Brothers of the Warren joined B-boy crews to form ELP...wait a minute....
-Words marked with a *-
Mascottio:The Shuggalug word for "mascot".
Fly boy:Street talk for a real good dancer.
Genn-u-wine:The Shuggalug word for "genuine".
Shuggalug:A vocabulary of broken english,japanease,spanish and armenian words, used in Genghas Town.
Mofo-mahoma:The Shuggalug word for "Beatnik".
Sherpa:The Shuggalug word for "trouble".
ELP:A art rock band, consisting of Keith Emerson, Greg Lake and Karl Palmer....wait a minute...
Scoot:The Shuggalug word for "Sack Dance".
Gonzo maffusa:The Shuggalug word for "Family Jewels".
GNS:A Greased Naked Scottsman.