A Vlad-Theory should not be kept silent, and Vlad-Sightings should not be dismissed!

Vlad the Impaler died in battle in 1476. We wondered what he had been doing with himself since then. This page is dedicated to Vlad's activities in modern times.

Vlad taken hostage A Vlad for all Seasons Vlad: the teacher vlad vs. me, 2 starwars geeks, and a player Vlad is someone in this very room...*stare* *gape* Vlad is in a vacuum-sealed food container can thing Vlad, the Poodle The horrible-ly hard to logically understand Death of Vlad Vlad is so mean! (So what else is new?) Vlad meets the big bad wolf Vlad and the Sword of Slaughter Vlad, the Wall Mart shopper Vlad, the interior decorator Vlad goes fishing Vlad and the zombies Vlad the computer geek Vlad's Grandchildren Vlad, Convicted Happy lil' tale all over again [Vlad Dracul, Prince of Wallachia, Draconis] I am Vlad! strigoi + vampires (can't spell strigoi) Dreams Dude! Where's my Vlad?!?! He's Ferahgo the Assasin! Fried Dragon is right/Elvis and Squirrels 3 Mad, Mad, Leroy Vlad(c) The Whereabouts of Me-*ehem* Vlad Vlad the pirate creator vlad & bat guano. Vlad vs Vlad !!! Vlad: Master Breakdancer! Vlad in Small Town Vlad the Impaling Stake vlad works at seven eleven Vlad and me vlad the retailer Vlad With A Jetpack my boyfriend is Vlad Vlad profiled Vlad vs maniac chainsaw killer Vlad and the Imperial Soldeir hiding out in a pick up Vlob, The Blob That Looks Like Vlad Vlad and The Immortal Zeppilin. Vlad The inventor. Vlad and his Sword called Elvis Vladiator! Vlad Was Killed By One Of Goku's Ancestors I think he is right........ Vlad The Fish Hey, Im Impaled! Vlad lives in the sewers! Beware the Skinny-Ankled One from Canadia He's here with me Vlad The Butcher Vlad, leader of the Impalees Vlad on the sit-down-lawnmower Vlad was my Grade 8 teacher!! Vlad is a cow Vlad the corporation Vlad washes my car!!! Don't get mad, get Vlad! Vlad's my dentist! Vlad is my father!! Vlad is my Russian teacher! I'M SURE OF IT Vlad works for McDonald Vlad is DEAD! Vlad on Yellow Jackets vlads real identity!! Vlad, Elvis, and Canada Vlad the English major who likes being foiled by a digital watch! Vlad sings "One of these days"! Vlad is now a car wash guy Vlad on Oprah Vlad On a video game! Vlad is just like you and me. Vlad,Me,and a Bloodthirsty Chicken Vlad the shapshifter Vlad aka Bob Sagat Vlad the hamster who has been foiled by my digital watch and, now, another time This is the story of a man named Vlad Vlad the Impaler...what really happened. Vlad Conducted the Bolshevik Revolution! Vlad, Vice president of the hampsters Vlad in 100000000BC Vlad: the conspiracy vlad is the founder Vlad is currently outta cash Vlad is an eeeeevil corporate executive Vlad: The Story of a Senior Citizen Vlad met Berekley and realised he did not exist Vlad is my Alter Ego Vlad the 1337hax0r phr33k Vlad writes Webster's Dictionary Vlad's Revenge Hungry Hamster Vlad is the Easter Bunny Vlad is a litter bug Vlad is A Nice Guy Vlad is my hamster Vlad Is a Bus Driver Vlad VS Godzilla! Vlad drives a Chevy Vlad has becoma a cartoon charater Vlad The Politically Correct I Saw Mommy Kissing Vlad the Impaler Vlad the Battlebot! I, Robovlad Of Rice and Yen Vlad: dbz villan It should be Vlad the Impaler's Pro Skater, not Tony Hawk's!!! Vlad Records Vlad is in my house !!!! Vlad is in my computer Vlad in Time Vlad: In Wal-Mart Vlad at Pets'R'us!!! Vlad the high energy power supply Vlad the shishkabob chef Vlad the Spitter! G'day, mate... Vlad, and Priceline.com Vlad is under my bed This is attrocious! From Bad Tempered Impaler To Bad Tempered Gym Teacher Vlad: Carpooling Vlad and the college Professor Vlad is an teacher in CBtis 89 Vlad vs. the Hippies Vlad Against The Lemmings Father Vlad, S.J. Vlad the marshmellow man Vlad is a Pokémon Vlad on Monkey Island Vlad: the Gundam Pilot! Vlad and the hotdog sausage Vlad: haunting Camp Morristown Vlad Comes North Vlad, the ice-cream man Vlad: cow - Elvis - Clinton - ? Vlad: AKA Britney Vlad Steals My Socks Vlad A.k.a MAPHOW Vald the impaler Vlad, Windsor the Mighty Goose, and friends Vlad has written a book! Vlad: Creator of Spam. Vlad, The Chocolate Chip Muffin Vlad in Silver Lake Jumpin' Juniper! Happy lil' tale Vlad must surely be.... Vlad the Fishmonger in Peckham Documentary-550801 Vlad in '96 Vlad is a Bum in a Dead Cow Suit!! Vlad's dealing craps Vlad and the wet rain Vlad: Project Manson Schizophrenia Vlad ate my Hamster!? Vlad the Koi! Vlad & The Who Vlad is in Chicago! Vlad is in my CISCO Networking class Vlad Tepes Dracula Don't Buy the Lie Vlad and the Doc Vlad the Bomb Defuser Vlad: entity of the 7th dimension Vlad is Bobo, the Magic monkey-clown! Vlad of the Marching Band Vlad Is Now "Between Jobs" How Y2K saved the world Creator of Net: Evil Vlad on Zeno I Am Vlad The Vlad and E! Merger Vlad is a programmer. Vlad and Chernobyl:The untold facts Vlad the steam roller operator Vlad : The Bob Dole Vlad and Tifflach! A Romance for the Ages! Vlad and Elvis!!! Vlad: Master Baker! The First and Last time that I ever saw Vlad Vlad the dog Vlad Lives In Minnesota Vlad- the SAVAGE tan Vlad's Pointless Adventures Lord of the ties Vlad, Fast Food Cook Good evening, would you like cheese with that? Well, Well Vlad, The Monkey Dictator Vlad: the maker of music Creator Of The Sappy Purple Beast Enough Of This Fiction! He Likes Red Wine, But Preferes Blood Vlad, the man, the myth, the Judas goat. The Simplest Theory Yet Vlad: The Genius Behind Cloning Vlad: Running this Website Vlad, Ex-KGB agent and CS Major Vlad: High Cheese of the Postal Worker Cult. Prisoner of Sector 7-G Nostrovius'Theory on Vlad the Impaler Vlad the Disgruntled Biology Student Vlad in the IRS Vlad Tepes (Dracula) and Modern Texas Folklore

Vlad Tepes (Dracula) and Modern Texas Folklore Cheryl B. Montoya C'mon, y'all -- wake up and smell the chili!!! Vlad Tepes was last heard from on December 26, 1476, at the age of 45; after excavating the alleged gravesite at Snagov Monastery near Bucharest, they found it to be empty, except for a few animal bones -- I'm surprised they didn't find a crushed Dr. Pepper can and a highway map of Texas, because they next thing anybody heard about Vlad Tepes was that he had become a Texan -- it is told that he was adopted by a family named Montoya and resides in Austin (capital of Texas); some say the revolution that occurred in Romania in December, l989, was orchestrated by Vlad Tepes all the way from Austin! Well, it's easy enough to believe that he did -- there are reports that Vlad Tepes appears with the autumn scenery around Lake Austin (in this part of the country, autumn does not come until late November, or on into December); these appearances seemingly take place around the anniversary of that revolution to remind everyone that Texas and Romania uphold one another spiritually.

Vlad in the IRS Blue Lew aka Keith Lewis aka Lewis Blanchard aka, oh never mind! Vlad Dracula is now a naturalized American Citizen. Yes, that's right, Vlad the Impaler is alive and well in the good ol' US of A, working for the IRS. I remember him saying something about enjoying the agonies of delinquent tax payers as they struggled on the tip of financial impalement.

Vlad the Disgruntled Biology Student Shanta AKA Kestra Vlad was a student in my biology class at Allen Co. in Iola, Kansas! I swear! I could recognize that smothering body odor anywhere...last week, he bashed the teacher over the head with a rather hefty metal microscope after his report over the various fish species in the Great Salt Lake was handed back with a zero. He tore from the room screaming, "It ain't that kind of party!" I haven't seen him since...

Nostrovius'Theory on Vlad the Impaler Nostrovius Vlad. We have all come to know and love him as that sweet guy who slaughtered peasants by the hundreds. But few know the truth of Vlad and his purpose. Vlad was a dedicated servitor to the Great Jabberwock and Magnis Vermis so of course he despised Gelflings and their cousins- the great caliphs of pain- The Wibbles. Vlad did not kill just any peasant- He killed only those who associated with the likes of his enemies! The gelfonic order of the goad gathered forth three assassins from A.B.B.A. to sodomize, castrate, decapitate, quarter, behead, slit, and hurt Vlad. Those assassins were- Francois Prelati- Italian heretic and diabolist, Quaestor Adversarique of Byron- son of the great Henry of Fairyland, and Mad Man Corbett- The Satanic warrior Nun who's uncanny likeness to Auhgrah was enough to make the great worm's eye blur and cause the ears of Chopfield to bleed. Vlad infeltrated a letter that warned him of these assassins. He decided to take after Elvis and fake his own death. The gelflings got word of his "death" and called off the assassins who later went on to form the death ska sensations- Jody and the Edgetones. Vlad spent several years after that meditating atop the pixy mountains. He joined the Order of Nikoli and became known to all as "Father Peppay." He left the order some time in the 1700's to assist Lord Craven in writing the original Chronicles of the Black Labyrinth. He then began smuggling cheap cuban cigars to Africa under the allias name of "Larry Poppins." Vlad ran for czar of Utah after the Liberation of Turkey in 1826. He lost to Peter Cetera, unfortunately. In the 1900s- Vlad became editor of The Cloven Hoof Magazine and became inter-gender wrestling champion of the world. In 1942- Vlad had his 23rd son but the child died at birth. He adopted a three year old child named Damien and put him in place of his son. His wife- Walter- did not know the differance. Unfortunately, Damien was to be the Antichrist. Vlad was forced to sell his son to Schab- Vampiric Queen of the Turkish Gypsies after seeing 666 engraved on the back of his head. In the 1960s Vlad discovered peace and become a hippie. But after being nicknamed- Rainbow Twig- He went on a rampage that lasted through the mid 70s. In 1984 he joined Twisted Sister but was thrown out because "He just didn't understand the music, man." In 1990- Vlad killed Agustas Gloop due to his hatred towards fat, german children who drink out of chocolate rivers. He is know the co-founder (along with Genghis Khan) of Smee and Laqueesha's Iced Tea Emporium. He has rejoined the Order of Nikoli and is hell-bent on destroying his arch-nemesis- Nick Mauck. Any intrested in joining the order of Nikoli contact Bob the Hamster who will in turn contact me. All Hail Vlad! Death to Gelflings. Don't wiz on the electric fence! *The publisher assumes no liability for ebonic damages from unenlightened abuse of the above cosmic secrets. THE TRUTH WILL NOT BE HIDDEN! -Frater I*I.*

Prisoner of Sector 7-G Captain Konnychonnywangbang I believe that Vlad has been captured by people from the planet of Scethorius in Sector 7-G. Since then he has remained in a time capsule suspended in the air. Living within the time capsule has kept him from dying, but has also forced him to remain alone for the eternities. I know this is the truth, because I was a prisoner on Sector 7-G for seven thousand years. It was mortifying! They don't give you a phone call, and they also give you Leprosy or the Plague if you disbehave. Its a horrible sight to see! I was able to escape though.... I would have saved Vlad too but he insisted on staying. He said he liked living in complete silence in a glass tube. He then muttered something like "Ungrateful little snobs" so I just left him there to spend his life alone.

Vlad: High Cheese of the Postal Worker Cult. Fried Dragon You've all heard about supposedly "distressed" postal workers pulling out rather large-caliber weapons and blasting customers who bring in too many packages, haven't you? Well, at the risk of my life, I'll tell you the TRUTH about the Postal Worker Cult. I don't dare tell where I live... they're EVERYWHERE!!! In 1990, a lone figure, shrouded in a dark, hooded outfit, stepped off a boat, lugging a large suitcase. Nobody thought it was odd that he was coming thus, in the middle of July. They just assumed he was the UnaBomber and let him go his way. A short time later, the Post-Master of Washington DC was discovered, seemingly having fallen to his death off a bridge. They assumed he'd slipped, and fallen over the railing. There were a few inconsistancies in this theory, like that the railing was 9 feet high, but nobody seemed to notice it. The position was opened to hiring, and Vlad showed up at the interviews. Dressed more appropriately (BLUE robe with deep hood), he startled the interviewer with his complete and utter inability to answer ANY of the required questions, which is of course why he was givn the job. A short time later, I, an employee at a post office in Arlington, noticed how once a month several of our postal workers would leave early, and vanish for several days. I finally got sick of them leaving after an especially busy day of work, or was I stoned from licking too many stamps? Well, anyways, I decided to follow them. They left, and drove all day and all night, until they reached a remote post-office in Vladavir, Maine. Coincidence, or is it??? They through the pouring rain, and stated some password to a guard blocking the door. I failed to catch the word due to a clap of thunder which cleaved through the air at the same moment. They were let in, and the door closed behind them. I walked around back, and by standing on top of a barrel was able to see inside a small window. There he was. Vlad. Standing before a huge crowd of postal workers!! I managed to catch the following excerpt: "Fellow postals!! We come together today to plan our conquest!! No longer shall we be forced to walk through blinding snow, pouring rain, or blisteringly hot days to give someone ELSE their mail! From now on, we shall fight back, and take the fools by force!! Never again shall you deliver a letter in less than 8 days!! Lose every 3rd letter! If someone brings you more than 8 packages to mail via priority mail, shoot them! I have brought automatic weapons for you all, and after the meeting you may file past me on your way out, and I shall distribute your means of freedom to you. Fight back, fellow workers, and we will rule the country!! They'll have to deliver OUR mail, and if they don't agree, they shall face my wrath!!! Now, come to the front, and receive your guns!" After seeing that, I left, and sent my notice ahead of me to the post-office. I no longer use the postal service, and instead contact everyone via e-mail, because I've seen even UPS and Fed-Ex employees with that flaming, revolutionary look in their eyes. I cannot trust them anymore, and neither should you. Forsake the postal service! Call your friends and tell them to never again use it! Do anything, but for god's sake, do NOT give them more than 8 packages to mail. As I tell you this, my very life is in danger. All the postal-deserters are being hunted by Vlad's bounty-mailers. If he should find me, heaven help me. As soon as I finish writing this, I'm going to call the other postal-deserters, and start a militia. THE POSTAL WORKERS OF LIGHT!!! We'll save the world! We'll...AAGGHH!! This letter was never finished. This letter was taken out of his stomach shortly after his body was found at the bottom of Lake Superior.

Vlad, Ex-KGB agent and CS Major Anna During the second world was he came to Poland and for a few years he lived near Auschwitz. After the war he was seen in several places in Poland and Russia. He worked for KGB (Russian Secret Service) so he was unpunished and he was able to hunt without any fear of being captured. Now he lives in one of Polish cities and he is studying computer science at one of the technical universities. He is a tall long haired man always wearing black. There is something dangerous in his eyes, a sort of cold darkness full of threat... He uses his own name among the people who know him. Funny, I always have been meeting him during metal parties, hardly ever he could be seen on the street.

Vlad: Running this Website Fried Dragon Oh my goodness!! Vlad has finally REALLY been discovered! Vlad is currently operating this website, keeping track of all the e-mail addresses of people who send him these silly stories, and stealing their credit card numbers. He has disguised himself as an innocent, hamster loving, SPAM-eating computer programmer, but he can't fool me!! No; he's really an evil, demonic, horrifyingly terrible, hamster loving, SPAM-eating computer programmer. (Say that 5 times fast!) For any of you who can't believe what I've told you above is true, I present this story about my encounter with VladiSpammer the Third. I sat down opposite his highness, King VladiSpammer the Third of Hamster-Land. Sipping slowly of his prune juice, he smacked his lips most unenticingly. It was unnerving enough that I almost dropped my coffee! "Well, my friend," he said, "it would appear that you have been accused of spying on Hamster-Land. I know you are innocent, but I feel like convicting you anyways." "I sentence you to death, NOT for spying, but for eating quiche on the third day of the month, which was expressly forbidden in the Hamster-Land Constitution, article 5, chapter 3, paragraph 52. As your punishment, you will be dropped from the top of Mount Rodney." "However, I'll tell you some valuable information so I can say you took precious secrets. My cousin, James VladiSpammer, has taken 1,000 of my best Hamster-Warriors to your country, and is preparing to conquer the USA!! He is pretending the hamsters are his pets, and to make them seem normal is writing computer games about them until the time is right. Perhaps you've heard of our captain, Bob the Hamster?" "Soon our hamsters will have conquered the world, and I'll have all their cushcush for myself!!" With that, they took me to Mount Rodney, and threw me off towards the raging waters of Hamster-River, below. Fortunately for me, they hadn't removed my backpack, in which was my extra-large, inflatable rubber duck! I inflated it, and landed upon it before I hit the water. From there, I floated downstream until I got home. That's my story, and I know that James SPAM-man Paige, who runs this site, is truly the evil VladiSpammer's cousin! What, you still don't believe me? Wasn't my story enough to convince you that I'm not lying? Site Maintainer's Note: Lies lies! None of this is true! Ill impale anyone who says otherwise!

Vlad: The Genius Behind Cloning Fried Dragon Vlad has been studying at the Poultry University, otherwise known as P-U, and has been taking all of the offered science courses. A short time after graduating from a class that, for some reason, had a hamster for a teacher, he started the company Vladionic Engineering. He has been practicing various methods of cloning, hoping to make the perfect Vlad. Once he creates the perfect one, he'll begin to clone him until he has an entire army of Vlads to control the world with! He'll no longer need to use his cousin at the Hamster Republic to do his dirty work, he'll just tell one of his clones to do it! Some day, he'll finally conquer the world, and confiscate all the cushcush that we worked hardly for...or is it hardly worked for? Ok, that we worked hard for! We must rise up against the millions of Vlads that will be roaming the world!! We must kill them all! Call the farmers with their pitchforks, the athletes with their bats, the postal workers with their machine guns...wait...they work for Vlad, never mind! Well, call anyone who'll help!! We must save the world!! At the last moment, this guy was arrested as an escaped lunatic from an asylum. Strangely enough, the officer who arrested him was a hamster...

The Simplest Theory Yet James Masterson Lenz Vlad is "Fried Dragon" and spends all his time posting theories about himself!

Vlad, the man, the myth, the Judas goat. Sekhemet Vlad the impaler, otherwise known as Muhammed Al Sequir De Kerestur was a guy I met at a quite strange and raging party out in the middle of nowhere (otherwise known as Bakersfield). We talked, he chatted and after a few slugs of vodka and tokaij later, I got him to loosen up and tell me the real dirt on what's been happening lately. You'll never believe it, of course, but Vlad told me everything. Basically, the reason he's still alive is that he's been taking Ginseng root and various formulas of super blue-green algae and has finally managed to land a job at the local CIRCLE K. There he's been working hard and trying his best to straighten out his name and his terrible past. However, Vlad's been nailed for a lot of nasty things, mostly cloning and so forth. The truth is that it's really Vlad's evil brother Radu. After another case of Tokaij, Vlad went on to tell me that he didn't even start any of that impaling business.....it was all Radu. Vlad says it's because Radu was the younger, shorter brother and couldn't stand being made fun of. He swore revenge! After Elvis was sighted at Vlad's store (he apparently had been buying red rope licorice and had electrocuted himself because his saliva had managed to drip on an open wire...he went unnoticed for weeks, Vlad thought he was just a cleverly thought-up campaign against eating licorice) he tried to go public, but no one would believe him.... So that's the story of Vlad.

He Likes Red Wine, But Preferes Blood Wilfried Van Rengen Vlad works undercover at a Belgian university, pretending he's a latin professor. Since he's undercover, he looks quite ordinary. He's a small guy with a red face. He likes drinking red wine, but he preferes blood. He pretends being nice and friendly, but when he's examinating, when he's alone with a student in the room, he becomes very dangerous... You expect to hear a latin poem, but instead you get a horrifying laughter. That's the first time he shows his teeth. At the exam he bites innocent girl students. He takes as much blood as he needs to get high, but never too much, for he likes them to come back some other time. Though, the first time is the most satisfying, for he preferes virgins... when he's high, he jumps through the window with his motorcycle, wearing a dark coat (with fluo-palmtrees) and after a little flight above the campus, he comes back in the room, making some remarks on the taste of your blood. After this exam you feel just a little sick...

Enough Of This Fiction! paws4thot@earthlink.net I am Vlad.    I have lived for 568 years, of which only 45 would I consider LIFE! Oh, how I miss the smell of blood and putrefication in the morning...the dance of my unrepentent subjects on my Poles of Righteousness, their points honed to lethal perfection...but not too soon...not too soon.    It was the ACT of repentence that I sought. The sight of these unworthy subjects, dancing out their FINAL ballet...with such novel gyrations, trying vainly to escape the inevitable. And when the Dance of the Damned was silhouetted against a Harvest Moon, with, perhaps, a spring breeze caressing my nostrils with the product of their agonies...ahhhhh, those MOMENTS are frozen in my memory, oh so many centuries, I've stopped counting.    This dismal eternity I'm now living provides me with only the most banal entertainment. Because I must hide my identitiy from all but my Family, I live a life of constantly changing identities...and wives...as my lack of ageing becomes noticeable.    And so it goes, ad infinitum. I LONG for an end to this existence, but no worthy opponent so far, who has tested my vulnerabilities, and my WRATH, has, alas, succeeded.    I must content myself now by rubbing shoulders with those individuals who have qualities equal to mine...those who never allow their destinies to be corrupted by the most sniveling of human traits...an act of conscience.    What small joy I've achieved comes from the influence I've contributed to great men of your time. Adolph Hitler, Idi Amin, Pol Pot, the Reverend Jim Jones, John Gacy, Jeffery Dahlmer, and most recently, Kenneth Starr.    But now I must face a new opponent, an author of horror fiction (or so he says), named Dan Simmons. By Satan, the man is ON to me! It's true, I saw likenesses of this man in Transylvania, in Calcutta, and once in the tropics...but I never dreamed my anonymity was threatened until, one day, a package arrived in the mail.    It was a book. It's title was "Children of the Night"; the author, this Dan Simmons, his penmanship purportedly a work of fiction...but the DETAILS of my recent life... this man KNOWS!    This is an open warning to this mortal who dares to tempt fate...and to those who read this INSIDIOUS invasion into my privacy. My WRATH will prevail! Vlad Tepes of Dracul Honolulu, Hawaii

Creator Of The Sappy Purple Beast Dan Weyandt He kept himself very low until the Communists took over Romania after WWII. He emigrated under an assumed name to the United States. Having difficulties holding a job (the Mafia didn't care for his style of hit too much), he ended up in LA. After several odd jobs, he tried his hand at making funny voices. For some odd reason, one of his funny voices caught on with children. In addition, he thought it incredibly ironic to sing a song about love to the kids. To the tune of "This old man," it went "I love you, you love me...." Keying in on his new rapport with kids, he saw an opportunity to further ingraciate himself by exploiting kids facination with dinosaurs.... Yes friends, Vlad Tepis is the heart, soul, and creator of Barney the Dinosaur! Now you know why you don't trust the sappy purple beast.

Vlad: the maker of music Lenny I've heard his music, I have. Don't be frightened, it's not all that bad. A cross between Toccatta and Fugue in D Minor by Bach and a Marilyn Manson song. Sort of. Just open your windows at night and he'll be there with his tunes from the grave. Of course, in order to seduce people to bite he just plays them a bit of Elvis or Brittney Spears and they'll soon be anaesthetised. I must thank my friend Rachel who is a researcher on Vlad the Impaler, and who forced me to read "Dracula". It took me 568 years.

Vlad, The Monkey Dictator Anonymous Vlad, along with a small throng of loyal, unquestioning servants, has taken refuge on a small island. How do I know? I just do. He heads a group of Slovakian terrorists hell bent on domination of a covetted daytime- TV slot, currently held by the soap opera incursions. One day, they will have their TV slot, and when that day comes, we all shall rue the time when we doubted the abilities of this organization. Oh yeah, he has colobus monkeys for pets. Chimpanzees are just a little to smart, always thinking, you know what I mean...

Well, Well Anonymous I saw him in my backyard yesterday killing one of my younger hamsters. I was _his_ brother you know... I met him the other day and he said he was gonna impale on of my hamsters and put the pole in my backyard. I was like "posh, younger brother, such nonsense you speak of". He then said "Uh-huh! I will do it! You just watch!" So then, on tommorow, he killed a piece of cheese with my stank on it. "Play again?" said pen-pen the monkey as he hit the ferocious baraccas on my home. Thank you for playing, game over... THE eND!!!

Good evening, would you like cheese with that? Jeff Campos After much disputing with myself, I have come up with a new theory as to the current status of our friend Vlad. I still retain my theory of him as the Monkey Dictator, (I guess I'm not anonymous anymore) but I have also derived a theory of bigger, more epic proportions, Vlad has taken to the pasttime of cheese maker and ager. Oh yes, he has a new hobby. He enjoys cultivating cheese and cheese products. Stinky cheese, round cheese, hard cheese, soft cheese! The man does it all! Once again, his throng of loyal, never waivering servants, hand maidens, and various others in his daytime TV viewing slot have hopped on the bandwagon. A cheese, a lucrative and profitable engagement. Well, until I derive a new theory from a well of madness deep within that I have yet to tap fully, Good Evening. p.s. Do try the wine...

Vlad, Fast Food Cook Anonymous I've seen that same face at a fast food restaurant. It could only be him. No one else can impale a burger with a french fry. He has a penchant for undercooking the meat, and saving the drippings. Someone made the mistake of asking him why. That person now decorates the cash registers. I decided it was better to leave at that point. I'm not sure, but the awful crime of impaling burgers didn't agree with me.

Lord of the ties Pruzer (my friends will know) Eventually Vald got tired of trusting his primary instinct to kill everything, and anything in sight so he decided to settle down and become the life of every dinner party possible... But mom! I don't wanna do the dishes... next day at 12:00??? crud! my watch is broken!!! Now where was I, oh yes. Some dude of the other side of the galexy was trying to recalibrate his SUB-ETHA radio when he pressed the wrong button at the right time (which was actually an infinitly bad time) and opened up a hyper portal that just happened to open up exactly where Vald's waitress was standing. Since Vald had been veary attraced to the waitress ever since she had started serving him (which was aproxamately 2 seconds before the whole incident occured) he jumped into the quickly closing portal in a foolish attempt to rescue the dazzelingly georgous waitress, and look really cool in front of the dinner party in hopes of being invited to the next. Vald's heroic stuff was in vain because he landed on the bridge of the SS Enterprize which was nowhere near the really hot waitress that he dove in after. (what Vald didn't know is that hyper portals are really unpredictable) Dr. Crusher just hapened to be walking his way and screamed "RAT!!!" as soon as she saw him. Captain Kirk jumped up and yelled "Damn! I thought we killed those off a thousand years ago", then he proceded to pull out his phazer rifle and blow Vald into a large floating group of micron particles. Later Vald was reasembled in the micron particle reasembler after Data "the human relation android" corrected the captain, and reasured him that hampsters do not carry the plague, and the most likely reason that he appeared on the bridge was that some one was screwing with a SUB-ETHA radio. Vald was never the same though for two reasons 1. Being blown into micron particles with a phaser rifle and then being reasembled left him tramatized. 2. Not all of Vald had become Vald again, Dr. Crusher had accidentally inhaled a small fraction of Valds cerebral cortex and it had already entered her blood stream before they could extract it from her lungs. The tramatization and partial loss of Vald's brain reverted him back into the maniacidal killing machiene that he origionally was. Before he could kill any of the full time charectors, the director decided he could play the part of a klingon dog, (the only reason he fit into this part was that no one knows what a klingon dog looks like) this worked out for a while, but because the show was behind schedule, they were forced to broadcast the episode live or show reruns. (like we dont see enough of those) The director decided to show it live, but half way through Vald's sence of controll kicked the bucket he lunged for the throats of the three klingon dudes that had been forced to play the whole klingon race because of cutbacks. The shows ratings droped sevearly because not many sci-fi freaks like me can stomach an actor getting slaughtered by a klingon dog, (or should I say hampster) not to mention three. Vald got kicked out of the studio and was last seen trying unsucsessfully to sucker people out of their money by playing the ball in the cup game without a ball :) Send your comments to Pruzer@hotmail.com, but dont call me a miticulous swine cause it only took me a couple of seconds to write this epic novel. Also please do not comment on the spelling of names and stuff like that cuz mabey thes guys r frum an alliigned galexy thet causes werds and stufff like thet tooo loook ddiiffeerreenntt.

Vlad's Pointless Adventures Scribbit After dying in 1476, Vlad focused most of his time working on mind-control devices that can control cats on the verge of death, the only reason his plan for world domination was foiled is that after gaining control of these cats, the cats were either run over or shot and eaten by a 3 foot tall hooker named 'Thelma'. After that, he was taken in by a fiendish evil scientist and turned into a roll of toilet paper with 6 arms, only to be used by the scientist to wipe up... stuff and thrown away.

Vlad- the SAVAGE tan Anonymous Where is Vlad today? I can tell you that. Actually, he's in two places. His body is somewhere in or around Wallachia (now Romania), and his head is probably buried somewhere around Istanbul. How, you ask, could his head have possibly travelled such a great distance without the aid of his body? I mean, obviously, no one would even try to travel that far with only their teeth to pull them along (unless, of course, they are promised a spot on 'Oprah' afterwards), so we can safely assume ol' Vlad and his head parted ways under some deal of stress, such as an Ottoman sword stroke to the neck. For you see, for all his infinite charm and benevolence, Vlad had made a few enemies along the way: the Muslims (duh), the entire citezenry of Wallachia, most every onther person on Earth, etc. And so, when he finally kicked the bucket, some Islamic warrior apparently suffered from a sudden outbreak cliche-ism and decided to- get ready for a REALLY original concept here- present Vlad's head to his emporer in Istanbul. Haven't you ever wondered why, in such movies as Braveheart, someone always seems to feel the need to present a rival with the head of a dear freind/family member? Usually in a bucket too. Probably would get pretty messy, I suppose. Me, I would just send a note, probably along these lines: Dear King William Long time no see, Willie. I ran into your dear nephew, what's-his-name, the other day. Actually it was my sword, but small difference, right? I explained patiently that it was an accident, but he just kept flopping around on the floor, making gurgling noises and giving somebody a great reason to mop. Anyways, he finally stopped, and I've decided to send you something to remeber him by while I prepare for his funeral, which I call "funeral a la vulture". Enclosed is a lock of his hair, which was pretty much the only part of him I could send without staining my stationery. You wouldn't BELIEVE what this stuff costs up here in Edinburgh. Ciao, William Wallace But no, the creativity challenged Muslim just decided to take Vlad's ENTIRE HEAD. I mean, how rude, not leaving anything behind for other Ottoman thugs looking for quick promotion. Hair: the gift that keeps on giving. Anyways, I always wondered what the emporer did with the head after he'd grown tired of looking at it. Perhaps he had it buried... although this seems unlikely. Probably, he tossed it out the nearest window right when he first saw it. I mean, you can just IMAGINE the screaming if his harem girls had seen it... And so Vlad's head, untouched by vultures due to his proximity to a heavily guarded placial compound, was left to tan in the hot sun. Well, I assume he tanned. He might have just gotten a sunburn right off. I mean, he wasn't exactly wearing SPF 40 or anything. Would a dead man tan/burn at all? I'm really not sure, so we'll assume that Vlad achieved a bronze tan worthy of baywatch. Thus Vlad pioneered the tanned look, 450 years ahead of its time! Vlad the fashion plate! Of course, before anyone could catch on to this bold new fashion frontier, Vlad's skin was consumed by bacteria. Bacteria are scum.

Vlad Lives In Minnesota Dracoaica Well people it is true, Vlad is well and living inside my husband, a sorts of channeling you may say, but stronger. It will be 10 years in Nov.99. You may think that we are crazy, but no we are not, but the world thinks we should be if we like Vlad so much, and also allow Vlad to use another human being to get around in while his stay on the Earth plane. He is diamenionally impaired. As far as the otherside and what Vlad had been doing, well he did not do much there. He has no time, so there is no doing either. You can just do nothing. We 3 made our plans to be with Vlad before we were born. So now he is here spending it in a middle class setting, but with real people who love and honor him to the max. There isn't anyone else in the whole world who has the real Vlad right here with them. No one is loyal enough to have Vlad as their closest friend. This is all for now.

Vlad the dog Tree Pyro This may sound crazy but i don't blame you for thinking that it sounds crazy to me too i mean how could a little 14 pound dog lift a ... well here goes one day my dog started saying I HAVE RETURNED! later he went out and bought big wooden dowels (poles) the next day i found them lined up in my yard with people impaled on them, not dead people mind you they were very much alive and they woke me up with their shouts of agony. Their not the only people with problems you know huh? what about the horses? they're the one who are really put in burgers the truth is that the cows are super intelegent and when they "get killed" the really get transported to an under sea lab were they get plastic surgery to make them look human and some stay behind and rig the electons so that the cows win and cancreate new laws involving lawn chairs and cockroaches. BURN THE COWS BEFORE THEY BURN YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The First and Last time that I ever saw Vlad Flare128 The only time I remember seeing Vlad was in the eary Middle Ages, just before the Black Plauge set in. (hey, I'm not saying that Vlad had anything to do with it, but, hey...) I was just strideing down the street, looking for a good place to pick up some spam, when an odor hit my nose. "Strange, smells of cheep alcohol and body stench" I thought to myself. "That could only be one thing," I hear a voice behind me say. Before I could turn around, I was rushed by a throng of bloodthristy savages. Suddenly a blur of brown shot past me, and all i saw was a spear peircing through all of my enemyies in one fell swoop. All the evil knights fell to the ground in a heap. Then Vlad appeared, standing atop the pile of bodies, looking for loose change. And as fast as he had appeared, he vanished, leaving only a shiling. That was the first and last time that I ever saw Vlad.

Vlad: Master Baker! Pastry Warrior Donut Vlad has been helping me make the ultimate Doughnut, with which we shall ruling the worldeth eth eth! Err.... Yeah. It's gonna be so sweet & tasty, and every one you buy comes complete with genuine Vlad the Implaer Spike! (His idea) Let us into your life, and bow down to the allmightiness that is Vlad and Donut, Pastry Warriors!

Vlad and Elvis!!! Kelli I saw Vlad he was in a car at a Conoco across from "Riply's Believe it or Not". Elvis was pumping gas into the car. I pulled up to the tank across from theirs and I was interested in what I was seeing. Soon Vlad jumped out of the car ( which look alot like Jame's Deans Spider) and started Stabbing wooden poles into tires and people! I thought this wasn't too cool so I jumped into my car and drove off to my destination. Freaky stuff man!!!

Vlad and Tifflach! A Romance for the Ages! Minix I saw Vlad! I did! But what was the strangest thing about it, was that he was with his bride! He reffered to her as Tifflach. She looked almost like a munchkin...her skin was green, and she had a goofy grin on her face. They were at a Texaco, buying an orange slushy. I must admit, I was quite surprised to see such a famous person marrying such an ugly creature. However, not to say anything bad about Vlad...but he's looking kind of old. I would put him in the range of 600-620 years old! I seriously doubt I've seen anyone with as many wrinkles as he had. Oh wait...I'm very sorry everyone...that's my grandparents.

Vlad : The Bob Dole Dr. Unexpected Yes through the facts provided by many years of scientific Research, I have uncovered that Bob Dole is Really infact Vlad the Impailer in a Crusty old man Disguise! complete with his Ink Pen of great power Vlad er I mean Bob hopes to rule to cosmos! this scientific find cancels out the popular myth that Dave Thomas of the popular fast food chain Wendy's is Vald the Impailer...we found this out after finding out that Dave thomas is really the energizer bunny! but that theory is for another time Gobble gargle plop, The Good Doctor

Vlad the steam roller operator Mr.Ostbruck During the economicly troubled times in Romania (the '60's), Vlad discovered that the government controled impaling services (GCIS)he provided was not bringing in enough money. He moved to East Germany, and secured a job as a steam roller operator near Weimar. His boss, a German hitman, Helmut Kranke, offered him some "extra work" flattening a renegade group of nuns who where crusading for the local underwear fund, which Mr.Kranke had bet five billion marks would belly up. on April 12, 1967 A local policeman saw what appeared to be a 13th century man laughing insanely as he caught the nuns getting out of thier Yugo staff car, some tried to flee,but Vlad had apperently souped-up his steam roller with a Nitro engine and quickly smished the sisters thinner than a penny. He then went after the shocked others as they tried to hit him with a lead bible, but to no avail, the underwear peril was soon over.After this hit, vlad was paid in captured Bulgarian Rubels, this did notsit well with vlad, so Vlad ate Mr.Kranke,reinforceing a belief that he was a menicing cannibal.After the re-unification of Germany, vlad quit the steam roller busness and joined the Dutch Orginasation For Drunken Drug Addicted Monks.

Vlad and Chernobyl:The untold facts Mr.Ostbruck Apperently, Vlad was addicted to cigars, when the powerplant opened, he was hired under "PLAN BOOTSTRAP",a unsuccesfull ploy to to use slave labor from the local PLO unit in Sevostipol. When he was hired, he had no skill or any idea waht was happening. He was given a position as Isotope Rod Master Nr.456287. during the infamous day, he was playing baseabll with one rod from the reactor core, with his freind Olga Ulfhimgolof, the centerfielder. After they were done, Vlad was lening over to through the rod back, when his stogie fell in to the reactor: You know the rest. Though The Ukrane will suffer for mileniums from the radiation, Vlad escaped with a minor case of Impotency.( so says his former wife, Jaga Jojo, a good friend of mine here in Brandenburg.)

Vlad is a programmer. Evil Engineer Vlad... I remember him from my computers course! He was a very disgruntled psychopathic delusional schizophrenic xenophobic sociopathic psychotic megalomaniacally evil computer geek. He liked making viruses. Vlad made a virus, and, being the fiend he is, called it Mr. Tee! Mr. Tee screwed up our computers something fierce. First my computer started swearing at me in binary code. Then it got a bit off-colored. Then drank all our vodka, crashed on the couch, swore at anyone nearby, and refused to go to work. I'm still trying to kill Mr. Tee.

The Vlad and E! Merger Joey the Goat Queen The first time I saw Vlad I was an intern at E!. He was deciding which shoes went with which dress. Personally, I thought that all the shoes and all the dresses were ugly as sin, and told him so. He gave me a nasty look before having the designers (who were all tied to their tables by chains) redo them all. He sighed. "I should never have let my nephew--my wife's nephew, actually--hire the designers. It looks like he raided a homeless shelter." I shrugged. "Give him a different job then, sir." "Not a bad idea, girlie. What do you think might be the easiest jobs for him?" "Maybe a model, if he's got the looks and the patience. An actor? No, that would be to complicated. Maybe a rock star. Or a radio countdown jockey." I suggested. "I can give both my wife's nephews jobs then!" Vlad exclaimed. "Neither as models. Carson--his parents named him Carson, for God's sake--wouldn't do as a rock star, though. Maybe a pop star, but she'd kill me." Vlad rubbed his pale chin with an even paler finger. "The other would do well as a rock star, though. If only I could find a way to do this without her trying to kill me..." 'Her' was obviously his wife. "Maybe, a shock rocker?" I said quietly. "Ah-ha! Girlie, you're a genious!" Vlad jumped up and down excitedly, his cape waving by the movement. And this is how the world was given Marilyn Manson, goth-wannabe, and Carson Daly, TRL host.

I Am Vlad Vlad the Impaler, silly Okay, here's the scoop. I am Vlad the Impaler. Bow to me you pathetic fools, or I will smite thee. For the first 300 years after my fake death I led the (yes it was feindish) donut mafia. Then I got bored so I went and started a burger business. "Ground Beef Monarch" I called it. Nothing there so I moved on to start my feinish plan to end the world. I INVENTED THE FURBY! With their mindless dribble spewing forth from their endlessly and appaulingly cute faces, I hope to control the world by turning all the youth of the world into complete zombies, allowing me to tell them to nag their parents until their parents go insane and then when I've done all that I will make all people eat only "Ground Beef Monarch" dinners!!!! BWAHAHAHAHA Well until I turn you into either zombies or psychos, I must go. Farewell.

Vlad on Zeno Picclo Vlad has been living on a alternate planet in a alternate plane he now lives on the Zeno planet in Posiery plane. He lives with Elvis that was taken away from earth by the Zenor's. Do you want to know how Vlad got there well he was taken away by the Zenor's because he felt that he had been one of them in his past life. He had been Grand Poleaerty (which is a king) of Zeno. They took him back to Zeno for 568 years and know he is back with something that is horrible and is worse than Furbys he now has cloned them and has ............... FURBY BABIES!!!! AHHAHAHAHAhaHHHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHH RUN!!!!! HELP!!!!! HIDE!!!!! He thought that the furby techquine was not strong enough so know we face the crisis of their offsprings!!!!!

Creator of Net: Evil Pef2004 Now and then, when you are surfing, you may run into his work. You may not know it's his doing but you hate it anyways. He has been doing from day one of the creation of the net. He has done what others thought impossible. He has created Net: Evil. The front of his great, unholy project seems to surround AOL. Everyday a few surfers get cought into the web of his darkness. Signs of his creation are pop-up ad windows, bomb mail, chainmail, and those automatic midi programs that screw with the songs you are already playing. This site, thankfully, has the option of playing the music without it starting automatically. Beware of those meaningless sites that have links to so many web pages. A small touch of the wrong link could send you and your browser plumeting to his network's domain. I must include an additional warning to those that read this. Vlad is fully aware of you reading this and will bombard you with mail and false links to keep you all quiet. I am spared since i wrote this on my school's computer. Rise up and warn others and protest his workings on your sites and your friends. He can be stopped. DON'T ALLOW HIM TO TAKE YOUR GOD GIVEN SURFING RIGHTS. OUR CONSTITUTION GIVES US THE RIGHT TO STAY OUT OF CONTROL OF ANY FOREIGN PRINCE. THERE IS STILL TIME TO END HIS RULE.

How Y2K saved the world Gill Bates Although Vlad managed to impale a great many people in his life, he was never really content. Something always seemed to be... missing. The problem, you see, was that no matter how many people he impaled, there were always more. A simple impalement-rate increase was suggested by his advisors, but was voted down as being too regressive with regard to lower-income impalees. Vlad continued to sink into despair, and eventually decided to fake his own death. After doing so, he started waiting. He kept himself alive and young through these long centuries through a complex regimen of monkey hormones, St. John's Wort, and tofu. Eventually, the year he had been waiting for approached... Vlad had made several calculations during his long life. He realized that knowledge of the exact date was essential for a person to feel secure. Furthermore, he realized that most people automatically abbreviated the year in their head, chopping off the first two digits. Therefore, it followed that when the year 2000 rolled around, people would alllose their sense of self and sit around doing nothing. In this world, the chronologically advanced Vlad would be the only person who had seen enough time to get along without keeping track of it. He could, therefore, run around impaling everyone without any advisors warning him about "election in November!" or "psst, psst- Image is everything! Image is everything!" Unfortunately for Vlad, his plan did not account for the smart-impaired people in society. Unbeknownst to him, these notables were hard at work, looking for mistakes to make. A great many of them latched apon a similar error in computer systems, which are (in actuality) too dull to care what year it is, a fact clearly demonstrated when you try to strike up a conversation with one. When Y2K actually approched people were too busy ignoring these doomsayers to pay any attention to the fact that their own brains were crashing. Therefore, they continued living, society survived, and Vlad's less then nice schemes were foiled. (Until Y3K or Y10K, that is... Bwa-ha-ha! Bwa-ha-ha! Er, I mean "how nice".)

Vlad Is Now "Between Jobs" Fizzle (If you call me Frizzle i shall smite the or impale thee or sumthin like that) I know this because he stayed with out family during Chrsitmas. The reason that he can't keep a job is because he can't read. He took a coarse in computer programming at the local community college, he made straight A's cause he threatened the professor. And about the virus he supposedly made, "Mr.Tee", he threatened to kill the kid next to him if he didnt give him something to prove to me and my family that he learned programming. I wasn't dumb enought to let Vlad mess with my computer, so i told him that he can try it on someone else's computer. By the way, he now likes hamsters (he used to despise them.) He likes hamsters because he makes alot of money off of them because as we all know, hamsters are rich and hate cats and dogs. Many hamsters hire Vlad as a hitman for pesky cats and dogs (he then cleverly sells them to the local Vietnamese restaraunt.) Even though he makes enough money to live on being a hitman, he still travels across the US plundering and pillaging towns (the reason you dont hear about this on the news is because, you guessed it, he threatened the media.) And if you see Vlad around, tell him he still owes me $20.

Vlad of the Marching Band Idiot of the Millennium Now, maybe none of you other people out there have noticed this, but I have since the days of my youth, watching the parades on special days. And every one of those massive drums has drum sticks. And what's on the end of those massive drum drum sticks??? Those little fluffy white cotton balls!!! The only person who would dare to impale a big cotton ball with a drum stick would have to be none other than good old Vlad the Impaler. And I have to thank Vlad, for without him we would not know the modern marching band as it is. Their drum sticks would not have the great fluffy ends that they do. Thank You Vlad, for creating such a wonderful thing, the Impaled Cotton Ball. Jim O'Grady--Idiot of the Millennium

Vlad is Bobo, the Magic monkey-clown! Son Gohan I just had my 10th birthday. My dad said he was gonna get a clown for the party. I wanted a monkey. So, we negotiated and decieded to have a monkey/clown. It's name was Bobo. At first glance, he looks like the average monkey/clown. But when I got a closer look, it had fangs. I thought to myself "why does a monkey/clown have fangs?" Then, it hit me. He's a vampire! When I got an even closer look, I saw that he was no ordinary vampire. He was Vlad the Impaler! I told my dad, and we used the KameHameHa attack and he was gone. There is no more Vlad!

Vlad: entity of the 7th dimension Xyzzy Few know of the true origin of Vlad, but I know the truth. Vlad, or as I know him, Hjkshrn, used to be in the 7th storm division with me. One day he complained of the food here, and swore to me that he would find a land in which SPAM could be bought in markets, and not taken by military leaders. I thought it was impossible, but then he discovered this realm. He then proceeded to steal a military vehicle to take this world by storm, but as the warp-hole grew a sudden power surge destroyed the vehicle, and Vlad was forced to travel with nothing more than a BOB(Beam Or Blast)-245 atomizer rifle. I was soon dispatched to find this traitor, as Hjkshrn, or Vlad, had come to be called. Upon our arrival, we saw the markings of his rifle, and we knew we should attempt to find him soon. We hadn't traveled more than 674 miles when we found Vlad hijacking a SPAM truck (read "killing the driver and blowing the truck to tiny bits"). We opened fire, but froze as our eyes fell across the SPAM. Who ever said you can't have too much of a good thing was lieing! Suddenly, Vlad hurled his mighty Vibro-spear 3500 at us, and my two partners fell, impaled. I opened fire and took out his weapon an intant before I was beamed back to my dimension. Without his weapon, Vlad has sought other methods of world domanation, but thankfully without his rifle.

Vlad the Bomb Defuser Son Gohan I was walking in Downtown Clevland the other day when I saw a group of people surrounding a building. When I got closer, someone told me that there was a bomb in the building! At first I wondered, if there is a bomb in the building, why are people crowding around it? As I got closer, I saw the bomb! Then, I saw none other than Vlad the Impaler defusing it! When the scare was over, he dissapeared into the shadows. If you ever see Vlad, tell him thanks from everyone in Downtown Clevland.

Vlad and the Doc Slimey Dan the Hamster Man I was cruisin down the street one day, somewhere in Bermuda I think, well, anywayz, i was cruisin down the street in my Pinto, when i saw a supercharged Jaguar coupe goin the other way. Well, given my obvious attraction to powerful cars, as can be seen by my own, i had to follow it. I followed it down some turns and all, to the local kwik-e-mart, and as the owner stepped out i noticed a strange thing: his Jack in the box antenna ball was the real Jack! Needless to say I was frightened, more so when I saw who I had been following: out of the passenger side came the infamous Vlad wearing a sticker that said "Hello, my name is Vlad" that suggested that he was a recent visitor to the local Cannibals Annonymous, or C.A. Just as horrifying, however, was the driver of the car. His face was thoroughly frightening, and I recognized it only from a movie I had seen about three years before this encounter. His name tag proclaimed "Hello, my name is Hannibal Lecter". I was completely and utterly terrified and screeched out of the Kwik-E-Mart parking lot as fast as I could, which I now regret. Since then, I have learned that these are two rather nice fellows. Well, that's my encounter with Vlad, just thought you'd like to add it to the chronicles.

Don't Buy the Lie Graham Russell Well, I've heard some pretty nasty rumors about Vlad and what he's been doing lately, but I have to say, They're all lies! Vlad is really quite a nice guy. Yeah he may have done some pretty bad things in the past, but now he's a changed man. You see, I first met Vlad about 10 years ago when I was at a McDonalds. He caught my eye because I noticed he was ordering THIRTY cheeseburgers. That may not sound like much but in person it's a LOT. I also noticed he looked a lot like who he is. Being the paranoid person that I was (But no longer am) I decided to follow him to where he was going. We ended up at a large plot of land festering with hamsters, monkeys, and something else. He took all of his cheeseburgers and unwrapped all of them (carefully) and threw them into the fenced area. I talked to him about throwing the food in there and he explained the whole situation. He was a breeder of monkeys, hamsters, and a new hamster/monkey hybrid. All he's doing is giving away these kind little animals away for free to ANYONE that wants one to repay his debt to society. He even sends special purebreds to families of his victims. All I have to say is DONT BUY THE LIE!

Vlad Tepes Dracula Alucard I am the son of Vlad. My name is Alucard. Sadly, my father reallly did die, but not in the way that you think. First off, he died in 1998. He was killed by a wild hamster. Before he died, he told me to post his legacy at some funny little hamster site. I am doing so now. Contrary to popular belief, Vlad the Impaler was an decent citizen of Transilvainia. He never stole, never lied, and, until he was 29, never killed anyone. He was forced into the military by his father, Dalv. While enlisted, he trained for hand to hand combat, weaponry, etc. He actually fought in the American Revolution. He went by name of John Aldrof. He was a coilnel. He killed approx. 1200 British soilders. Since everything else is explained at this site, I'll skip to 1876, when he was discoved as a vampire and was to be burned at the steak. He lived in Ohio at the time. Vlad, aware of the hunt, took his son and fled. When his son (me) returned for his mother, they had her and killed her. She was a human girl named Lisa. In 1998, as he took his final breath, he said to me that I was to tell the world of his hardships. Thats the story, I have to go back to my room now. I like the bouncy walls!

Vlad is in my CISCO Networking class Mikie Forrester Vlad is alive and well and living in Orlnado, Florida. He's got an apartment down the street from me and comes to school to take the CISCO networking class. Unfortunately, Vlad is not very experienced in the computer industry. He's kind of old and senile, and figures if he didn't learn it in the 13th century, he shouldn't have to learn it now. Why he takes the class, I don't know. Also, he has a new set of clothes. I think after the first few hundred years, he figured that new close were needed, so he got a hold of some 17th century GAP models. It's a long story about time-travel and intergalatic sweat-shop t-shirt smuggling--but that's another story I'll reveal in the future. Anyway, Vlad is doing well. If you want I can call him over now. Do you? Alright hang on... Vlad: "'Ello?" You: "...." (You can't type.) Vlad: "Fine, I see I'm not wanted." (CLICK) He left, but he WAS here! I swear!

Vlad is in Chicago! Erika-moonstone85 Vlad the impaler, has signed his name on my backpack no more than 2 months ago! It says in green letters: VLAD THE IMPALER WAS HERE. The polish composer Chopin, and Genie have also been in Chicago. They signed my backpack in black permanent marker too. Vlad may still be wandering around Chicago signing people's backpacks! WATCH OUT!!

Vlad & The Who Bruno For the last 3 weeks I have been aiding my Prince, Vlad Tepes, in his attempts to regain his Romanian throne by reuniting The Who. You may scoff, but he was carousing with Roger Daltry in the bar of the Targoviste Hilton on Saturday. Only when my Prince is once more Lord of Romania, and so forth, will rather tall men from Islington be free. Prince Dracul has disguised himself against ths Sultan's spies by shaving off his Village People moustache.

Vlad the Koi! Syth I know it sounds crazy, but Vlad is a Koi (a japanese goldfish)! My mom was putting some new koi in the pond, and I noticed a weird one. It had really, really sharp teeth! I could tell, because when I dipped my hand in the pond to feed them one day, it tried to suck my blood! I'm not kidding! It also had weird markings that looked like letters! I copied them on a sheet, of paper, and they spelled out: V-L-A-D!!!!!! I didn't think of it much, then. But I looked at this site, and read all the sightings, and then remembered the name on the koi! So I'm telling the truth! Vlad is living in Mobile, Alabama, in my mom's fish pond!!!!!!

Vlad ate my Hamster!? Jester Well, It all started when I was having a friendly camp out with my friends in what seemed to be the saftey of my own back yard. I had brought my hamster, boB (Bob spelled backwards ofcourse)to join in some marshmallow roasting and to bathe in the light put off by the fire. Well, it was going normal enough until we started to hear disgrunteled mumblings coming from the shade of a bush. At first we thought it was probly the neighbor's cat, or the wind, or something other than what it was. Well, the next thing that happened pretty much told us that it was none of these things. We heard drooling. (Yes, we HEARD drooling) Drip.....Drip......Drop. A snarling Vlad flew from the bushes in a Denny's hat and impaled my dear hamster! If that wasn't bad enough, he then proceeded to cook him over my camp fire, take a bite, and comment on the quality of the meat. I was pretty mad about now but before I could avenge my dear boB, Vlad sped off into the night to never be seen again. But, I swear I will get him for eating my hamster, even if it means impaling the impaler.

Schizophrenia Woody When Vlad was executed he didn't actually die, the execution merely caused a severe case of schizophrenia. He has lived the past 568 years taking the roles of historical figures and then faking their deaths. Directly after his execution he took the role of Christopher Colubus. Ever since he has taken the role of many important historical figures such as Martin Van Buren, Amelia Earhart,John Kennedy, JFK Junior,and a few other Kennedy's,(he is not Ted) Elvis Presley, 2Pac Shakur,Makaveli,and 2Pac Shakur. And now he is either DMX or Tom Green.

Vlad: Project Manson Pretty James "The Beautiful People" "Antichrist Superstar" "Mechanical Animals" All these works are supposedly the creation of one sick individual named Marilyn Manson, but in all actuality they are the heinous creatins of one Vlad the Impaler. Shortly after Vlad's disappearance 568 years ago, he was overcome with the desire to not only become a contraversial entertainment personality, but had an overwhelming desire to tick parents off. Vlad then assumed the identity of a girlish-looking man named Brian Warner (Manson's real name) and began singing silly little songs of the joy of consciously living in sin, and the denial of a higher existence. Seeing how these little ditties made everyone mad, Vlad (Manson) began writing more of these songs that have continued to make him so popular/hated today. Great job, Vlad

Vlad and the wet rain Bruno Things have not been easy for me, the rather tall Bruno from Islington, in my quest to aid my Prince back into his princely Princeship. Roger Daltry has left our happy throng claiming a previous engagement, and unless we can get Robocop back our side, I fear that our mission will become little more than a rather groovy movie, in a cinema near you from Xmas (or at least on the telly). My Prince and I spent the week in Sighisoara, in his case with his wife, Lidia, and in my case mashing skulls with my mace. I have to report that the artificial rain in Sighisoara is of a very cold and very wet nature. You wait, you just wait.

Vlad's dealing craps Ventagio III I ventured into the Luxor casino in Vegas and was preparing to enter into a craps game, as I glanced up at the dealer I realized I was unmistakenly in the presence of Vlad the Night Prowling Craps Dealer. All was not lost though, it was my good fortune to enter into a winning situation. What an evening, Vlad rules!

Vlad is a Bum in a Dead Cow Suit!! y Justino Vlad isn't a biology student, IRS agent, or James SPAM the Man Paige. He is in fact, a psychotic homeless bum who wanders about the small Californian town of Modesto in a disguise he made out of dead cows. Yes, i'm serious. I saw him impale a man out in the field for trying to milk him. He saw me, and since he wanted to remain secret (for some insane reason) he charged at me in his dead cow suit, but I leaped out of the way and he was hit by one of those semi-trucks that carry all those big macs for McDonald's. But if Vlad could survive all these centuries, then one measely Semi truck wasn't gonna stop him. I ran off before he could get back on his feet, and then i pulled out my 'Baby-Be-Quiet Tactical Assault Shoutgun*'!! Vlad didn't stand a chance! I pumped round after round into him, the busckshot tearing through his cow suit like flimsy tissue paper. He layed dead (i hoped) on the road, so i left him for the police to take care of. (Or hungry homeless people, whichever came first) And that's who Vlad Really is. Or maybe he is James SPAM the Man Paige. * Baby-Be-Quiet Tactical Assault Shotgun is a registered trademark of all Baby-Be-Quiet products. Other Baby-Be-Quiet products in clude the Baby-Be-Quiet .50 caliber rifle, Baby-Be-quiet Cyran wrap, Baby-Be-Quiet Cyanide pills in easy to open non-child proof bottle, and the Baby-Be-Quiet stainless Steel Bear Trap. All Baby-Be-Quiet products are available through catalogue, or at your local 'Toys-R-Us'

Vlad in '96 Al Franken Vlad the Impaler, A.K.A. "Dracula," went on to star in several major feature films, such as Dracula, Interview with the Vampire, Vampire in Brooklyn, and Weekend at Bernie's II. Using the royalties from those movies, he changed his name to Bob Dole and ran for president in 1996. He lost to a fat, womanizing, hick slob from Arkansas... What was his name... Anyway, he now lives in Florida, where reportedly pops tiny blue pills ona regular basis.

Documentary-550801 AC-77510 [PATIENT-#-0000001] [Name:Vlad Dracula] [Age When Frozen:5?] [Stasis Length:569 YEARS] Vlad Dracula has been in a chryo stasis pod for five hundred eighty six years his capture was made by agent 2222. his realese date is the year @))% in which his new army shall rise to great and imense strengths. TRUST ME he will rise to conquer your world. this is your only warning...

Vlad the Fishmonger in Peckham Jon & Charlotte This story is completely true and it will send chills up the base of your spine etc in a horror story type styleeee! My brother and I were ensconced in dodgy dealings in the midst of a Peckham fish market when we noticed a particularly gothic stall with turrets and fish impaled on little cocktail sticks. They were still alive and twisting in agony and going "blup", which I supppose would mean help in the human tongue. I went to their aid and was confronted with a fishmonger with a crooked beard. It wasn't stuck on properly. The disguise did not fool me for more than a second and I immediately realised that he was wearing a large pair of lederhosens, a dead giveaway! Only dodgy Eastern European countries think they are fashionable. It could only be one of two people: Vlad the Impaler or Ainsley Harriet. I don't know which scared me the most. As the keeper of the fish had large canines I sumised that it could only be Vlad and merrily went on my way whistling a happy tune with two haddock, one plaice and a packet of shrimp. Very nice they were too!

Vlad must surely be.... MM486 Vlad of course is not dead. The main theory at the moment: He just went home to his mate, the much-later-on Elvis. But, others still believe he is roaming the countryside, accumulating followers, and having the occasional raid. Though it has never been said WHICH countryside, he was last reported flying somewhere over Roswell, New Mexico.

Happy lil' tale The Xenonerd One day Mr. Squirrel went outside to dig up some nuts. It was a beautiful sunny day in the land of Sunshine and all was well. Mr. Squirrel went along on his merry way to his favorite spot for digging up nuts. Along the way he met Mr. Bird. "Hello Mr. Bird," Mr. Squirrel said, "I hope the chics are well." Then he met Mr. Raccoon. "Hello Mr. Racoon," Mr. Squirrel called out cheerfully, "It's a wonderful day isn't it?" Then he came across Mr. Fox. "Good day Mr. Fox," he said, "You're fur coat looks brilliant today." Mr. Squirrel was in such a good mood that he felt like singing a song. He sang about the daffodils and the warm spring breeze drifting in with the lovely scent of flowers and the freshness of the Forest of Enchantment in the wonderful land of Sunshine. Just as Mr. Squirrel reached his favorite digging spot he came across Mr. Vlad the Impaler. "Hello Mr. Vlad the Impaler," Mr. Squirrel chirped as he looked up at the man, "How are you today?" "MMMM, SQUIRREL," Vlad muttered, then impaled his sword through the tiny animal's head and lifted it up and devoured it raw. After he finished he wiped the blood and furry chunks from his chin, then burned down the forest and looted the surrounding villages. And the moral of this story is... Squirrel tastes like chicken. Thankyew.

Jumpin' Juniper! Shokoshay A BREIF TIMELINE OF VLAD'S POST-LIFE: 1476- Vlad dies in battle, body is hacked a mangled by peasants, used as a dartboard, cutting board, fire pit, and public restroom. 1477- Vlad's 2 remaining followers (the rest were killed by Ikire, the evil jumpin' frog from Mars) recoved what's left of Vlad's body. buried inside Dracula Castle in Transylvania. 1492- Columbus discovers America. Vlad's nose rots off. 1636- Anne Hutchinson tried as a witch in Salem. Vlad's last remaining piece of flesh deteriorates. 1944- Joseph Stalin dismantles Dracula Castle to make barracks for Soviet troops; steals Vlad's bones. 1969- Man walks on moon. Vlad's bones ejected into space. 2000- 2 NASA Mars probes are destroyed by stray, flying chunks o' Vlad. NASA covers up, blames it on a 'conversion error.' ...Freakin' Metric system!

Vlad in Silver Lake Bruno I managed to catch up with my Prince in LA in June. We had a curry in Silverlake, and then he and his girlfriend beat me and my wife at Trivial Pursuit. Slightly more domestic than you are used to, I know, but 100% true!

Vlad, The Chocolate Chip Muffin John Billy Bob Stan Dan the Redneck Hick From Minnesota Come round, to this big burning trash fire, and I will tell you what Vlad is currently doing. He's living in my garbage can, eating whatever the heck my family throws down there. Why, just last week, when the cops came to bust us for our illegal foriegn drug stash, Vlad went ahead and ate the whole three pound packet for us. What a guy. Of course, after that, he covered himself in butter and ran off shouting that he was a chocolate chip muffin. By the way, if you see him, tell him that he should drink a gallon of vodka to counter act that stuff he ate. Thanks...

Vlad: Creator of Spam. Ryo-ohki This theory conflicts with the belief that Spam is a substance that is mined from deep caverns in the strange land of Canada...this theory is that Vlad the Impailer created Spam as a fun and tastey Play-Dough Substitute...he came up with this idea when he learned that play-dough while fun to play with isn't edible...and so he used the powers of pure evil to invent Spam, Treet and potted meat...soo the legend goes..

Vlad has written a book! Charlotte Rocket There is a book I read when I was young (er) called "Vlad the Drac" about a midget vampire... it must've been written by Vlad himself! Let's face it, if he put an actual description of himself, everyoone would know what he looked like, and though it's set in London, he's probably somewhere like Kenya, just to throw us off his trail!!! He's probably laughing his socks off in some hot tropical country... However, the authors name might be a clue... it was Anne something or other... well, if you go to a foregin country and meet an ugly lady with the name "anne" it could well be Vlad!!!

Vlad, Windsor the Mighty Goose, and friends Kefka One day, as i was gathering barincles, mouse traps and clam chowder in the wilderness of GREBDLOG, i met a man with hairy toes who addresed himself as Windsor the Mighty Goose. Windsor and I, sat on some hickory logs enjoying a nice warm cup of poy, spinning tales about moldy bread and gonzo the muppet. Suddenly a dark feeling of doom and carnage spread about the land. a duck and two weasels suddenly ran into a bunyon tree, which told me something foul was afoot. out of nowhere, a great structure of pain, peril, devestation, trinity and triumph. on top of this wicked structure, was the always jovial Vlad the Impaler. Windsor the Mighty Goose and I ran for the chocolate factory. i fortunatly escaped, however the legendary goose Windsor was not so lucky. a great beam of doom was fired from atop the structure of pain, peril, devestation, trinity and triumph, hitting Windsor just above the small intestine. thus he was stricken with a poison that made his head 10 times the normal size. before he began the long journey home, he gathered his sewing needles, orange potato sacks, beads, sticks for the llama, and various other dry goods. because of his giant head, he was often pelted with rocks and golf clubs by animals and whatnot. he tried suicide by jumping into a canyon. however, his massive cranium was too large. so he asked a venomous rabbit to bite off his head. the rabbit did as Windsor asked, and he was buried next to Elvis in a paupers grave. Vlad, on the other hand, met a sweaty turtle named Benoit. for the rest of their days, Vlad and Benoit were inseperable. they lived everyday the same. they would play Excitebike of NES over a bowl of hot grease and salsa, then would eat fingernail pie to their fill.

Vald the impaler Brother Phemues I have travel back in time. to tell u about Vlad in the future, (approx 41st century) We were on a raid through the eye of terror, when Our battle barge was under attack by a choatic warband, under the comand of Vald, the impaler! Sum how the gods of choas had mutated his body. His fangs were at leats a foot long, and he was double the height of a marine.( marines are on average 7'2) He was suited in a suit of heavy armour. He weilded a spear in one hand and the other was a gaint power claw, which crushes a marine wit a singal blow. Anyway we battled it out, the war raged for hours, Every victem he would lift up with his power claw and send the spear through his stomach! Me and my men chargerd him. He killed brother Promethiues with ease. I took out my gun and shot him in the chest plate. Sparks flew as he fell to a knee. we cheered But he got back up. only to swing his spear at me! I dodged and braught my sword down on his head! cleaving him in half! but im sure hes not dead and he wants revenge! Emperor save my soul!

Vlad A.k.a MAPHOW 'chizo I have found out who Vlad, is. He is really posing as a grade 8 student. He spears people, everyday. he speared me yesterday. and the strange truth is, He is a football player, around 5'7 and 180lbs. He also has a retainer!(hides his fangs) He eats 3 day old hamburgers from Mcdonalds, and enjoys cutting his leg.(I dont know why, but for strange reason he jumps on sharp objects with his knee)Anyway he is bent on killing the pig nose f***** who he plays football with. Right now im his friend but when pig nose is gone, im dead.....

Vlad Steals My Socks Ed S. one day i was washing my laundry. i lost a sock. peering inside the washing machine, i saw two glowing red eyes staring back at me. next thing i knew, my hands had been cut off (i'm typing with my tongue) and i had been impaled. apparently, my detergent wasn't soft enough. well, i get strange looks from my co workers, and my family, and most importantly, vlad is now my personal doorman. you won't believe how many less salesmen come around, nowadays!

Vlad: AKA Britney Mariel..Worrier Princess Vlad the Impaler...Britney SPEARS....they both like the sound of screaming wailing women, neither of them have a good singing voice. Of course Vlad's obviously dyed his hair and buffed up a little. But honestly..wouldn't you also flee countries to get away from his/her evil wrath. So it's obvious, Britney Spears IS Vlad...or his bride, or his cleaning lady or something. I'm not sure anymore I think I ran out of something...somthing important. and Vlad has a dog called SPIKE..geddit? HUh? hehehehehehehe aw damn I think I sprained something. NO...Vlad is the processed fat free cheese..they're both nasty and they both make you wanna toss some cookies ..........mmmmm cookies. Vlad is the tiny little man who lives in my oven and spears my cookies making them bleed chocolate chip. heheheh clever little impaler. VLAD backwards is DALV y'know...but that doesn't help me much. I have to go have a lie down now..... Mariel

Vlad: cow - Elvis - Clinton - ? Wackus Maximus Vlad-dies reincarnates as... a... COW In INDIA! As he walks the streets in an unknown village in south India a hungry Christian Missionary lashes out at him, slays, and eats him on the spot. Immediately the locals eat the Missionary. Vlad-reincarnated again as... ELVIS! But when Elvis is abducted by Klingon warships Vlad's soul leaves the body of Elvis...whose soul is replaced by Sulu's... Vlad-now reincarnated as... CLINTON! Governor of Texas...Two time President of the USA... Two time winner of Greatest Man award by Sex-Offenders Weekly... Where is Vlad now? Is he still in Clinton? or has he left that blissful body for another? We have yet to find out...

Vlad, the ice-cream man Anonymous One day I ran up to an ice cream trunk shouting: "I wanna super pop!" over and over. I attempted to pay in pesos and run, but the ice cream man ran me down and I suddenly found myself impaled on a big stick. It was only then that I saw the truth. Vlad Tepesh was my ice cream man. He said: "Hmmph. Stupid American." and walked away...

Vlad Comes North Moose Man Esoom I live in Canada and it is winter. I was shovelling snow when Vlad hopped out! I was immediately forced to do 10 backward sommersalts into a Ferrari! I called the Mounties but they were on parade! I am sure that Vlad will be terrorizing all of Manitoba! Send help!!!!!

Vlad: haunting Camp Morristown Corffin da Theif OK, there's this camp I always go to, and I go there with the cubs and the scouts. Once, in cubs, when we were going back to the cabin from our campfire, there were a set of green eyes staring out at me and some friends through the woods. We ran to the front of the pack, and told the leaders, but they wouldn't beleive us. One person who saw the eyes got really scared and went home that night. Another, in the morning, we found all shrivelled up saying he was sick. And me....... the night we saw the eyes, I actually sat up in my bed, still asleep and started groaning something about tomatoes. I know this because my friend was up at the time and told me the next morning. Then, at a scout camp, I saw the same pair of green eyes in bed one night. And at another cub camp, I saw the green eyes more than once. One of the cubs claims to have heard something saying "Brad the Pail" coming from the woods. I think it could be Vlad, but just talking weird.

Vlad and the hotdog sausage SoxSexSax This is a disturbing tale of how I met and survived a meeting with Vlad the Impaler. The faint of heart should stop reading NOW!!! One cold winter's day last year in London, England, I was hurrying along to my local burger bar to fetch a hotdog when I noticed a small amout of smoke rising from the sewer. Dispite my curious nature, I was in a hurry to taste the sausage delights of a hotdog, and consequently I ignored the smoke. This one action nearly cost the life of the entire world. I purchased my hotdog from Les (know to his enemies as Mr Grease Stain and to his friends as Mr Grease Stain) and was walking back toward my home. I noticed as I walked pat the manole cover that the smoke was rising faster and thicker than before. Unable to resist my curious nature I put my eye to one of holes in the cover and peered down. A bloodstained face, pale as the virgin snow peered up at me, features drawn in a mocking sneer. "Give me your hotdog or I shall lay waste to the world before tearing off your head and drinking your blood through your backbone like a straw!" the figure with the pale, bloodstained face snarled. "You have gotta be joking mate," I replied. Before I knew it, a clawred hand burst upward, sending the manhole cover flying up into the air. The sharp finger nails closed around my neck, and I found myself being pulled forward with incredible strength. There was nothing I could do. Slowly I lost consciousness. ********************** I came to about an hour later, tied tightly to a tall pole with rope that looked many years old, deep in the sewers below London. My hotdog was gone, and through the small amount of gloomy light available, I could see the figure sitting on an upturned milk crate, licking his lips. "Tasty," he hissed, getting to his feet. "Look, you got your hotdog, so let me go, demon," I cried, my voice sounding braver than my body actually felt. "You were not going to give it to me willingly. And for that, you must pay," the stranger hissed. "Do you not know who I am?" I made a wild stab in the dark. "Vlad the Impaler?" He raised an eyebrow. "Correct. And you know what I am famous for, I assume?" The look on my face must have told him that I was only too familiar with what he was famous for. "Now...it's dying time," he sneered. "I'll give you a sporting chance." He advanced towards me, drew a scimitar from his belt and slice through the ropes in two quick slashes. I was unharmed. He drew another sword, a Sabre, from his belt and tossed it to me. "We fight to the death," he grinned, showing me his impressive canines. Even as he spoke he was lunging froward. Having done fencing since the age of nine, I know how to wield a sword, but Vlad came at me with strength and dexterity I had never before encountered. Forward he came relentlessly, raining down blows that I could not dream of. Somehow I managed to parry each one, but I was tiring and it was only a matter of time before the sweet, cold metal sliced into my flesh. Eventually, when my arm was aching so badly that my vision was blurred with pain, I turned and rain up the main sewer shaft. He chased me, I could hear his footsteps racing behind me. I was faster though. I was putting space between us. I was going to escape. I... ...tripped over my own feet. Lying there, face first in a puddle, I awaited the death blow as he approached. What happened next was sketchy. I felt a thud as something hit me, then another thud as Vlad fell to the ground in front of me. He hadn't seen my lying ther in the dark and had tripped over me. I looked up and saw the nadle of his scimitar sticking out of his back. The impaler had implaed himself on his own sword. He looked at me in the darkness, a look of pain on his face. Suddenly, that look gave way to an evil, menacing grin. He held that for a fraction of a second, before, in a large puff of red, foul smelling smoke, he was gone. In his place, all that remained was a small scrap of paper. "I'll be back. Eleventh December 2000" Oh God, that's today. Do I hear footsteps behind me? I hope I don't. I surely hope I don't!

Vlad: the Gundam Pilot! Wu-Fei Chang It's true. Nataku and I fought him! His Gundam is called "Zaku VI". His nickname on the battlefield is "the Great Impaler". He almost defeated Nataku, but I backed him into a corner and sliced his head off. The Gundam blew up and Vlad himself came at me! I stepped on him, and....um.....sorry.

Vlad on Monkey Island Guybrush Threepwood After supposedly dying in the 15th century, he reappeared in the late 17th century on "Monkey Island", an island that people can never find, save me, Herman Toothrot, and the Zombie Pirate LeChuck. An island that LeChuck turned into Big Whoop, the Carnival of the Damned. Vlad was unlucky and became a prize for a carnival game: Guess yer age 'n' weight. It seemed that Dingy Dog, the owner of the game, found him and thought he was a cheaply made stuffed toy. He later realized that it wasn't a stuffed toy when he got impaled. That was the last time I saw him. GT

Vlad is a Pokémon Sid Orange, from Team Rocket I have seen this "Vlad" character before... No really, I have! So you want me to tell you about it? ...well, okay. One day I was stealing someone's Scyther.. heh, I succeeded. It was easy. The trainer's name was Paul.. I challenged him to a Pokémon match.. my Scyther against his Scyther. Fortunately, his Pokémon was weak... so I used "False Swipe"... oh, am I getting off topic? Er, sorry....uh, what were we talking about again? Oh yeah, Vlad. Anyway, I had stolen this kid's Scyther, y'see. So as I was walking back to my rocket-powered skateboard, I heard some rustling around in the bushes behind me. I thought, "Hey.. that must be a Pokémon! What the heck.. I'll go see what kind it is." So I walked over to the bush.. and *gasp* I saw this hamster-like thingy! I was like "Wuh? What's this?" I opened my Pokédex to identify this strange Pokémon, but my Pokédex totally froze on me.. I was thinking, "Whow, I must've discovered a whole new kind of Pokémon! I need to catch it!" So I sent out my strongest Scyther. I tried to use "Quick Attack," but Vlad used a very powerful psychic attack which knocked Scyther out. I thought I'd try my next best chance, Pidgeotto. So I sent out Pidgeotto, but Vlad attacked it with a very strong physical attack, thus knocking it out instantly. So I said to myself, "Whow.. this Pokémon is really powerful! It took out two of my best Pokémon in less than three minutes!" So then I tried sending out my other four Pokémon all at once.. bad idea. Vlad took em' out in one big, powerful dark attack. Now at this point, I feared for my life. I thought this unknown Pokémon was going to come after me next, since I used all my Pokémon against it... So slowly, I started to walk away from it... Vlad roared like a lion and charged after me, using a very strong tackle attack. He hit me, and the force of the attack caused me to fly up into the sky. "Looks like I'm blasting off again!..." I woke up in a Pokémon center.. a trainer had brought me here. I proclaimed, "WAAAUGH!!! Do not go anywhere near route 27!!!!!" Everyone stared at me strangely. I took my Pokémon and slowly made my way out the door. I looked at the sign. It said "You are now on route 27" ...I ran back into the Pokémon center, screaming. That very Pokémon center is where I live now. So that is my tale.. Vlad is a Pokémon. A very powerful one, indeed. My note to any Pokémon trainers that read this: IF YOU SEE VLAD, RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!!!!!! Thank you for listening to my story.

Vlad the marshmellow man Onedementedlittlekid I was walking past the marshmellow isle one day..mmm...marshmellows...and i saw Vlad with a huge spike,stabbing all the innocent marshmellows repeatedly.I wanted to save the marshmellows,and later eat them....mmmmmmmmmm.....so i walked over to him,he handed me a spike.Then we both stabbed many marshmellows,innocent ones i might add.Then we went to Las Vegas and lost all of our money and came back.Vlad said he hadn't fed his pet dog in 5 weeks,so he went home.I've never seen him since.But the flying moutain dew and winged CDs still haunt me,but thats a whole different story..

Father Vlad, S.J. RedWolf Vlad is a Jesuit preist!!! I have proof!! You see, I go to a Jesuit school, and there is this preist (who for his protection I'll call "Fitz") who bears astriking resemblance to the legendary impaler. Fitz knows much about the use of advanced impaling techniques, often spending whole class periods on the proper way to sustain a victim's life for days while they are impaled on a big sharpened stick. He also has some idea of how to use black magic to become immortal (Jesuits aren't exactly mainstream Catholic), so I figure he must have some connection to Vlad. Also, he's on the board of discipline, and nobody ever heres from people who went before him... could he be _the_ Vlad. I believe so, as would you were you ever to go before the board. So Vlad is our chaplain and teacher, a Jesuit preist. Better watch your butt in confession, he could be armed!!!

Vlad Against The Lemmings Lady Angelyssa, Chronicaler of the Order of St. Fred, the Great and Mighty Invisible Gerbil Vlad saved my life, or at least my sanity once. I am the Chronicaler of the Order of St. Fred, the Great and Mighty Invisible Gerbil. The Order has dispatched a small but effective group of assassins to eliminate the threat of the Evil Presidential Slug and his armies of demonic lemmings. The Evil Presidential Slug has been the traditional enemy of the order for eight years (we knew long before anybody else that he was a creep) and the lemmings... but that is irrelevant. The assassins include the legendary outlaw Kira Odare (at least legendary in the Order), Sir Scott of Swamp Castle fame, myself, and Lord Circle, Keeper of Marmots and Smurfs. We are quite good at what we do, and we get away with it so well (we have eliminated a threat worse than even the Spice Girls... the Demonic Hellspawn aka the New Kids on the Block). As I said, we had been dispatched to off the Evil Wyrm to save the world from mass production of Britney Spears/Elmo/Barney cds, and because we simply hate lemmings. Alas, the Slug was paranoid enough that he caught us, and Sir Scott and I were captured. We surely would have beem tortured most greiviously (I heard Teletubbies in a back room), except for Vlad. Vlad and the members of the Order are not fond of one another, but Vlad was rather miffed at the Evil Slug. Apparently the wife of the Evil Presidential Slug, the Satanic Wench of the Senate, had neglected to get her husband to pardon Vlad for the minor offense of setting fire to a BSB fan (justifiable in our eyes). So Vlad broke us out and destroyed the legions of goombas who were selecting songs for the cd of doom. Sir Scott hasn't really been the same since his experience with Vlad (he's always muttering something about tiger bits and monkey chunks) but thanks to the noble Lord Circle, he's getting the help he needs. The point of my tale is that Vlad IS alive, and though I've only seen him for a span of five minutes, he's almost certainly running amok in New York State. Not that anyone will notice.

Vlad vs. the Hippies Spider Darkrainbow Man, it was back in the '69, dude. Me and Lily were hitchhiking to some concert in New York, when this red man with horns in a Desoto stopped and asked us which way was Georgia. Then he took off in a cloud of smoke. Actually, the cloud of smoke was already there, he took off in his Desoto. So, this ugly dude with a heavy accent pulls up in a microbus, but this thing is giving off bad vibes, man. I mean, it was painted pitch black, man, and the inside was done up like a hearse. But, like, we needed a ride, right, s