Hamster Republic Poetry
Julie's Poetry
Hamster & SPAM Poetry
James's Non-Hamster-Related Poetry

Fan Poetry
The Hamster who Chewed Its Tail
The Eyes of the Hamster
in my cradle i rest
Angel's Wings
the great weasel ambush on the hamster ninjas
heart - for elisha
Bethink: Mankind
The H-Master
Instructions to Flightless
Ode to a Tasty Hamster
The Hamster of life.
Continuing stops.
The ugly hamsterling, or whatever
The Battle of Far Away Land
Ode to the great Stetzie Hoodini (A hamster)
Llama (Slight Return)
Tomorow's Dreams
Do you dare...?
Look 2 nature
Excuse Never Told
Hamster O Hamster
Kentucky fried hampster
The Fat Hamster
The Flying Hamsters
The oreo cookie and the hamster
The Ugly Hamster
The Great Escape
My Regret
Not Me...
Don't forget to clean hammy out...
Buck, Lum, Zam, and the Frog with a Name
dont have one
My Hamster Robbed a Bank
Much Ado About Hampsters
[To Worship a Hamster]
Cats in me
Step by step
of hamsters and apples
If I Were A Hamster
Greeting from the brush
Things happen
Endless Staircase
Rose the Hamster
I'm a little hamster
The Story of Sammy the Bucket
I composed this in 5 minutes while watching Teletubies
The Idles of March
The pessimistic forest
Native Hamster King
Hamsters With Chitonous Plating
The story of Jim Jim Jim
The story of Stan
Battle of 1814
Ballad of the Hero
Don't Touch That Pickle
The poem of the stupid hamster king
The redish-brown hamster
the heck with hamsters
What's the point?
Sad story of a Hamster
A Happy Hamster Haiku Collection
Hamsters Aren't Poets
Where is Spot
The Boy Without A Hamster
Vision, or Mirage?
I Am Me
Losing my mind
Hamster In Ticklish Places
My Hamster, Buddy
Ad-lib poem
If Hamsters Ruled the World
My Hamster the President
Evolving Fish Laments
Shattered Reflection
This poem has no title
Stairway to Hamster
An Ode To Hampsters
Kip the Plip
The Amazing Hampster
Little Dude and the Sundance Kid
Hamster In the Rough
Poofy Haired Weather Man
Love and Life
The Phantom Little Dude: Episode 1
Outlaw Bill
Little Dude Returns (With A Vengeance)
Little Dude
A Beatnik hamster
The Plip in Winter
My Little Plip
My Poem is Dumb, But I Don't Care
i do not like green eggs and spam
Bob is my Friend, my Homie.
'Ole Don Knotts...
My Mind
How Bob Became a Hero
My Hamster
Rubber Nails
Teenage Mutant Kung Fu Hamsters
The King
The Day the Hamburger Cried
Ye Little Green Goblins
The Dogs Who Thought They Were Cows
Jingle Hamster
Mary Had a Little Hamster
Ode to Hamsters
My hamster is fun
i have thought therefore i have thunk
i am cyan, and beans are green
My dead Hamster
Oh how I wish...

Oh how I wish...
Martin Harris

My hamster is an amazing pet,
and when in his wheel he does get,
his feet go into a blur.
When he’s in his wheel, he doesn’t care
where he’s going, (although he’s going nowhere)

He leaves the rest behind

Oh how I wish I could run like my hamster
I’d be a hit in athletics at school.
Oh how I wish I could run like my hamster,
for then I could run like the wind.

My dead Hamster
Martin Harris

Once, two hamsters belonged to me,
there names were Mouthful and Tchaikowsky,
but recently, Tchaikowsky died.
Oh how I cried, oh yes I cried.
He got stuck beneath his wheel,
I imagine he let out a mighty squeal.
I think when he was underneath,
his little heart stopped, or he couldn't breathe,
and this led to his final breath,
his final squeak, and finally, death.

I wouldn't know, for I was at school,
and up until then, that day was cool.
I came home to find Tchaikowsy dead,
he was in one piece, and hadn't bled,
but he was cold and very grey,
and a fixed expression on his face did stay.
He was only about a centimetre thick.
The poor little didn't deserve it.
The little thing, he didn't move,
although his fur was still silky smooth.

In two days time I'll bury him,
at the bottom of the garden.

I can't help thinking it was because of me,
but anyway:
R. I. P.

Tchaikowsky died on the tenth of October, 1996.
He was buried on the twelfth.

i am cyan, and beans are green
Jon Stable b_and_h@hotmail.com

i am cyan, and beans are green,
and we all live in
a yellow submarine.
my shoe's blue, and you are too,
cats in raincoats
sniffing glue.
if you look in the book
when the pawn takes rook,
retaliate to check mate
because goldfish can't cook...

and yes i know,
that i am yellow,
but i have to go-
gotta work tomorrow.
so can i borrow your grey volvo please?

turqoise porpoise, night is white,
the lampshade she knows
that she is right.
the turtle's purple, and May is gray,
the fridge told me a secret
the telephone is gay.
but if we were a tree,
what would we see?
i hate to delineate
and the carpet agrees...

and yes i'm aware
that we haven't a prayer, but i dont care
if they just stare.
so can i wear your purple flares please?
please? please? please? please? please? please?

i have thought therefore i have thunk
Jon Stable b_and_h@hotmail.com

i have thought
therefore i have thunk
i ate my dog
after the ship sunk
it's a pretty dog
and it tastes better than a log
but me, i prefer ground kittens!
but carving them is such a slog
so i go for convenience!
kittens in a can!
i think therefore i eat spam!
spam spelt backs
creates maps
think or thwim, i know who i am,
i thunk therefore i spam!

My hamster is fun
Alana Baker smitygirl@aol.com

The twichy nose
And whiskers
Eyes burning bright,

Delicate paws
silken ears
Gnawing teeth to bite,

Stumpy tail
frumpy bottom
Alert and on the run,

My hamster

Ode to Hamsters
David Grosche

Hamsters, hamsters, a joy indeed,
Fun for all ages, a fun that we need.
Hmm...Where do they gather?
Where do they live, rather...

Why, the Hamster Republic is their lair;
That is where they live, them AND their hair.
But how to obtain them...
They are much harder to find than even a gem!

Ah, the answer is simple.
You might even say it was under my dimple...
The lure is none other than SPAM!
Ahhh, how my mouth waters at the thought of lamb, rubber tires and ham!

So here is the way to snag a hamster;
First grab a Ramster,
And travel to where strangeness doth lie.
There, find that one mafia guy...
Give him all you have,
And tell him he's your fav.
Rite, that is.
And that's all, to that, there is.

Then you shall be where the hamsters roam,
Even what they call home.
There, pull out the spam can,
And wield it in hand.
Watch as the furry delights swarm!
Just be careful you don't find Vlad or he'll make you squirm!

So that is all that there is to it.
Hey, where are you going? My advice is legit.
You ask why I don't have a hamster now?
Well, perhaps I like more a cow!
So there!
So good luck hunting, and stop your stare!

Mary Had a Little Hamster
David Grosche

(sung to Mary had a little lamb)

Mary had a little hamster,
little hamster,
little hamster!
Mary had a little hamster,
whose fur was brown as snow.

She followed it from school one day,
School one day,
School one day!
She followed it from school one day,
and to her was given a restraining order!

To this day runs the hamster,
runs the hamster,
runs the hamster!
To this day runs the hamster,
Trying to get away!

Jingle Hamster
David Grosche

(sung to Jingle Bells)

Riding Through the Republic,
On a can of Spam,
Over the fields he goes,
His quest to slay Vlad continuing...Ho ho ho!

(this is refrain)
Jingle hamster,
Jingle hamster,
Jingle all the way!
Oh what fun it is to be Bob, the sword wielding hamster king!

Here he goes again,
Toppling a cow factory,
Bob laughs maniacally,
But cries as Vlad gets away...Ha ha ha!


Whether he's sending mail bombs,
Or starting a cult in New Jersey,
Who knows what Vlad's doing,
Bob's eternalquest...HEY!


Bob the Hamster! Bob the Hamster!
God of New Orleans!
Trying to track down Vlad the Voevod,
Is harder than it seems.


The Dogs Who Thought They Were Cows
David Grosche

Ah, so you wish to know of the time of darkness?
Twas a mere time ago, that time of strangeness.
The Dogs who thought THEY were Cows,
Who would have ever guessed they had so much evil on their brows?

One dark day,
I am most sad to say,
The dog named Flarge,
Got a ride on a cheese barge.

He arrived in the cow fields of Yerutsiuku town,
With the intent of having evil sown.
There, he dressed up as a cow.
And intermingled with the cow herd, staking as his land the plow.

The other cows made fun of poor Flarge the dog,
Until along came a mysterious fog...
The other cows were victims of cow tipping,
But Flarge expelled the fog with barking and snipping!

Then the cows liked him,
And accepted Flarge, by their whim.
That was the day that dogs and cows united.
Aye, it was also when cow tipping died.
Oh well...Where'd I put my tie?

Ye Little Green Goblins
David Grosche

Ack! Where is my homework? Where is the report?
I tell my teacher they are gone and I get the familiar, "Yeah right" retort.
I KNOW I did them.
Or at least I THINK I did them.

ARR! It must be those little green goblins again!
Twisted souls are they, tiny likenesses of men.
Right when you NEED to turn something in,
They grab it, and disappear into the air, the air that is thin.

So I search and search, and my semester essay is not there!
To this I swear!
However, the goblins are not totally evil.
They replace what they take with a cartoon starring Fievel.
Alas and alack!
I take my statement that they are good back.

Lately I have discovered a truth.
When I was in my room setting up a fort for war (Okay, it was a booth),
I found what was their idol.
A piece of Limburger cheese wrapped in a smelly old gym sock, which remained ever idle.

So I thought,
What an idea I got!
I discovered an idea for revenge,
That could not have been thought even by the aliens who made Stonehenge!

I would take their statue and ransom it as king!
From them I would obtain the legendary Fruit Loop ring,
And forever rich I would be!
Tis great logic, as you can see.

So, when you think about it, the goblins were nice.
At least, they're better than my sister's lice.
Unfortunately, I stepped on them one day,
Just as they were about to give me back my resume from the hay...

The Day the Hamburger Cried
David Grosche

Noone ever thinks about what they eat.
I just sit here and sigh, knowing that I am beat.
Eventually, someone here in McGonalds will eat me.
Why me? Why not instead eat a tree?
Trees like to be eatten, but hamburgers don't.
Oh, sure, don't eat meat from mad cows, but you'll eat me? What? You won't?
Ha! I fooled another one!
Huh? Why are you looking at me? AHHH! Oh well, I guess I'm gone...

The King
David Grosche

I know I saw him at the diner,
And so did the whiner.
I also saw him at jail,
Even though outside it did rain and hail.
I am rather sure I saw him on the freeway,
But I'm not sure what day, maybe two weeks ago, with a day or two of leeway.
I think he was at Vegas,
But before I could get an autograph, he threw at me ray gas!
I might have seen him at the mall,
And I nearly caught him in a hall.
So I tell the tabloids this, but they IGNORE me...
Why? I tell you, this cannot be!
I saw the king! I was abducted by aliens as well!
They took me to their planet and gave me their communicator, which the tabloids dismissed as a
So now here I sit in this white jacket in this room,
If only I had a broom...

Teenage Mutant Kung Fu Hamsters
David Grosche

You might not believe what I say,
But sit just sit there and listen to me.
One day as I watched my tv,
I was told an interesting story by a bee.

An unknown set of heros there were in the American Civil War.
The Teenage Mutant Kung Fu Hamsters they were,
And they were mighty tough, I say.
All they used for weapons were their little paws and their fur!

It is little known that THEY are the ones that caused General Lee to surrender.
Lee was about to counterattack the North,
When the Hamsters tracked him down and proceeded to battle!
When it looked like Lee would win, the hamsters then did disappear and morph.

They gave him the beating of a lifetime,
And it was that moment that Lee did surrender to those who opposed him,
When he would have otherwise continued the war.
The chances were the war might have been even MORE grim.

So, you might ask, who were these unsung heros?
Why, they were none other than Donatello, Michaelangelo, Raphael and Bob.
I'm sad to say that the Government to this day STILL denies their existance.
So, to this day (And hopefully I showed you the light), their honor it does indeed rob.

Rubber Nails
David Grosche

There once was fleas
On trees.
But then the Mutant Clown
Cameth down
And turned them
Into cheesecake and danish, not flem.

The pastries were ENSLAVED, --
even then they ranted and raved.
But this Clown overlord
Sent them on the space board,
Sending them to the new Earth,
Where their citizens were many thanks to birth.

The cheesecake was EATTEN,
The danish was BEATTEN,
And this happened for many years,
Causing the pastries many fears.
If they rebelled,
They KNEW they'd be felled.

But then came Dog,
It was not a frog,
But rather the greatest of ALL dogs.
Dog ate the cat Socks,
And then peed on the president instead of the rocks.
The people cheered him on,
And made him first King of America at dawn.

Funny to make a dog the king,
But even stranger was pastries in his cabinet ring.
Dog invaded South America where no longer biscuits were sent,
Because SURELY their minds were bent.
Dog proceeded to conquer Europe after.
When Dog was stabbed by a pencil, soon came laughter.

His son, Maliford, came to the throne.
Talented, but not quite Dog's clone.
The dog conquered Australia and smiled,
But was assassinated by cheesecake and no longer was wild.
The cake was eatten by a cat,
And to the throne came Nephisto the Flat.

Nephisto was a cruel, EVIL one
And Cat the rat planned to toast his buns.
Fluffy the Rotten Pumpkin invaded Africa for him,
Of course at Cat's whim.
Nephisto was soon slain,
With danish still in his brain.

Cat was quickly overthrown by the return of the Mutant Clown,
Who was upset bout the overthrow of the earlier Bill the Brown.
It was a horrible time,
With no crime,
And the lawyers were gone,
So who could get our spirits down?

But then came the man
That had the plan.
Barbarus was his name,
And he thought life was a game.
He stormed the pastry farm,
And noted that they'd not been harmed.

After a skirmish with the overlord's sea monkeys,
By the way, seemed that they were ALL drunkeys,
Barbarus fled with pastries into the Yonk Blat,
Where Blarney snuck aboard and sat on that cat.
Barbarus started off, sure he'd won,
But truly, the fun had JUST begun.

Jojo the pirate,
Still a little bit irate,
Was told to reclaim the goods,
So he covered himself with a hood,
And chased the Yonk Blat to the moon.
(What a MAROON)

Seeing the ship coming on,
Barbarus knew that they knew he was now a con.
He knew not what to do,
And searched frantically for some glue.
He saw the word blue
And smiled as he knew what would be true.
He'd win no matter what,
Even if he had no gut.

He stepped over the 500 danish and had married them
To some guy in the glove compartment named Brem.
He tossed them at the ship
And hit it RIGHT in the hip.
Jojo lost control,
And was beatten down by the con troll.

The sea monkeys behind laughed,
Probably because they never bathed,
And looked at the cheesecake still left,
Swiping much of it, the theft....
Barbarus landed on a world known as Terris,
The monkeys leaping out and shouting, "Dare us!"

Now, instead of freeing the cheesecake,
Barbarus sat THINKING while the peas baked.
He decided to take a bite,
And found it JUST right.
So he found ways to mass 'em
And eat 'em.

The danish might have gotten off easy,
But the cheesecake found it to be REALLY cheesy.
They didn't find it right
That many Terrisians want from them a bite.
They fear though that they might not get eatten --
Instead, beatten....
Indeed, the situation is rubber nails...

:::Barbarus's note:: Any names that might seem to be real or a play on anyone's name is PURELY coincidental,
and noone can sue him for copyrite infringements thanks to some loophole in the Constitution. Also, noone is
allowed to blow up Barbarus's house for this poem without the express consent of the author.

Copyright::Year 376 of Cheesecake, published by some crazy rabbit from Terris.

My Hamster
Caleb Richards

My Pet Little Hamster
Runs without waiting
To watch a movie
with Harry Bargaiting

He runs around
on his little wheel
without a worry
without a squeal

For when he gets
to watch out for cats
I think he crys
"My buddy's THE BATS!"

How Bob Became a Hero

Long ago, the hamster land
was ruled by an iron fuzzy paw
The hamsterlord, FizzyWizzy McGraw
was the undisputed head southpaw.

With one might swing
of a flaming lefthanded axe
He did hew his father from the throne.
In blood and wrath he took the throne
Cast down did he the Pax.

Pax, oh lost Pax,
peace forever left that land
The fuzzy hamsters knew woe
They suffered under an iron hand.

At last a hero arose
Might Bob was he.
Rapier of wit,
Keen of eye,
Fuzzzzzzzzzy of fur.
But wobbly of knee.

He didna want
didna desire.
Hero's mantle was thrust on him
Most expendable, his village cried.
A coward then but more to become
He alone faced the kings wrath entire.

The tax was not paid
The levy was not given
The soldiers were pelted with stew
A most dangerous situation!
On what to do the people were riven.

Rebellion had come, unstoppable
The armies were coming, the King at their head.
The villagefolk fled, with poor Bob tied to a treepole.
"Oh King! Oh King!" he pleaded
"This was not my idea!" But alas
On his chest was wrote, in chalk,
'Twas his Idea! Strike Him Dead!
-the village'

The King was amused
He laughed till he burst
And goo-covered Bob did save the day
Now in this land came the golden time
Of Pax Bob, the Hero Of The Treepole Battle.

My Mind
Josh Merritt

The circles inside my mind
The springs and clocks they wind
The way they make me smile
The rocks and bones they file

Oh how they dance and play
and sing all night and day
They call each other names
and play so many games

Sometimes I cannot sleep
I try to count my sheep
But circles never tire
Of the thoughts they do inspire

I should see a sicitrist?

Mortimer Merritt

All my life is timed
All the time I've been a tree
All my eyes are blind
And all the blind are leading me

All my life's a game
I made friends with mario
Everyone's the same
They are friends of mario

I made friends with mario
They made friends with mario
You made friends with mario
We all made friends with mario

'Ole Don Knotts...
Jason Finnegan

In the kitchen
washing dishes
Cleaning plates
and making wishes

At the time
I'm cleaning pots
I wish I was with
my friend Don Knotts

An hour later
I clean a knife
Thinking of Barney Fife

Now I dream
of the sea
With my favorite

I wish for him
to clean these pots
I hate you
'Ole Don Knotts



How do they get there?
the dark-clad boys with paint cans
and markers, experts at
the fourth dimension of
in your face,
scrawling proud vision,
fierce angles, across
the twilight subway walls.

Bob is my Friend, my Homie.
Kevin Dwight Rouse

Yes, he is Bob
Bob is so cool!
So cool! So cool!
He makes me drool!

I want his fur
I want his ears
He's so brave!
He faces his fears!

Did you see?
Bob! Bob!
My favorite homie!

I heard him sing...
I heard him shout...
SPAM for me!
SPAM indeed!
SPAM I need!

So hurray for Bob!
So hurray for SPAM!
Hurray for stuff
That goes KABAM!!!!

Bob is my friend, my homie.
Bob is the hamster, ya know me?


Hamsters! Hamsters! Everywhere!
There’s even hamsters in my hair!

Hamsters crawling inside my head..
I know the hamsters want me dead!
The boulder’s light, but the feather’s like lead!

All the hamsters… It’s a scam!
I wish these hamsters would just scram…
Hmmmmmmmmmm….. I need SPAM.

(no, I'm not insane, just gifted)

i do not like green eggs and spam
BoB bobathy A.K.A. the man with no candy apple

i lied... i do like green eggs and SPAM
so go to heck, Sam i am.
The title fooled you, yes I see,
go home Sam i am, let me be!
maybe I don't shove it in my face,
I like to eat at my own pace.
So go away and be a man,
or I'll kick your rear, Sam i am

My Poem is Dumb, But I Don't Care

My poem is dumb, but I don't care
Because this is my time to share
My feelings and my thoughts with you
Although of these there are too few.

I write poems about lots of things,
Poker, jokers, kings and queens
Although my lyrics may seem strange
Not one of these words will I change.

I've quite enjoyed my time with you
And I hope you've enjoyed it too.
I could write till the year's end,
But sometime soon this poem must end.

Now at my poem you may jeer,
Or stand up straight and raise a cheer
But either way, I will declare:
"My poem is dumb, but I don't care!"

My Little Plip

My Little Plip
Doesn't have a lip
he's squishy as bubblegum
but he doesn't taste "yum"

He wiggles like Jell-o
But he's not red or yellow
He's a green squishy guy
Although I don't know why...

My Plip is a guy
Or so says my fly
Then what's a girl
Do they wear a Pearl?

For I do say
There's no way
To tell if it's a male
Or if it's a female

But my Plip is smart
Smarter than my Cream Tart
My Plip ate my hamster Bob
So I told him to get a job

Now my Plip works for me
He's still as squishy as can be
Somehow or another
he found he was a mother

He had 12 children
With a girl from from Sweden
Now here my story that I tell to you
Male and Female in Plip is a Switcharoo

The Plip in Winter
The artist formerly known as NegaMask

The plip, so green and squishy
I don't think you're washy wishy.
It's not your fault that you can't drive
James created you with no arms and googly eyes
you won't be able to drive a car
because you will not pass your road test
Your road test
your road test
you won't pass your road test
your road test your road test
you won't pass your road test
I don't regret plip hunting
it is a necessary evil
without evil what is a sunny day?
a sunny day wiithout evil.
A plip cannot speak.
A plip can only squek.
Here his tiny squek.
Or is it a she?
Your road test
Your road test
you won't pass your road test
Your road test
Your road tes
You won't passt your road test
High atop the mountain now
The plip has made an amazing ascent
How did you get up way on top of that mountain?
You silly plip.
Look it is winter and you shall surely freeze.
where does thes flip go in winte?
Where does the plip go when he does not pass his road test
or is it a she plip.
Your road test
your Road test
You won't Pass
your road Test
Your road test
your Road test
you won't Pass
your road Test.
You won't pass
your road test.
And you are a good plip after all.
The kind that successeeds without passing it's road test.
after all
It is only a road test.

A Beatnik hamster
Lonewolf Grey

Oh how you are so great
Its beyond my will to contemplate
All things in the world dive away from the asphalt tangerine dream
So much more than you seem
Mortality in a bucket
Forging towards infinity's shore
What is the Human race?
Oh how the Hamster is so much more.

Little Dude
Eric Bolten

My own friend Bob (not a hamster by the way)
Went off to the store and bought a hamster one fine day.
We went back to his house, and his room did look quite crude,
He put the hamster in the cage and named him Little Dude.
Now Little Dude was all fed up of his big hamster wheel,
He stuffed the whole thing in his cheeks, bending all the steel,
And spit the whole thing out on Bob; Bob fell to the floor,
The hamster knew that he would be a prisoner no more.
He jumped right out of the cage and landed on my face,
And down the hall of Bob's house speedily I did race.
I screamed such things as "Get it off!" and "This is really bad!"
But then the hamster leapt right off and took out Bob's old dad!
Now it turned right back to me and said with a mean face,
"I think you should let me be, I busting outta this place."
It opened up the door, running quickly across the road,
And out of sheer joy he missed seeing the big old toad,
He bumped into it, and is chased him like mad,
It ran back to the house, and said "Sorry about Bob's dad,
but ya really gotta help me, I'm in quite a bind."
So then I said to him, " I think I will be kind,
And I'll hide you if you say you'll not do this again."
So he said," That's fine with me," so I hid him then.
Now you think the story's ended, but it is not over yet,
It turns out the toad was Bob's new neighbors pet,
And he went really crazy, and Bob's house was blown up,
And I knew it all before, he should've got a pup.

Little Dude Returns (With A Vengeance)
Eric Bolten

Now that Bob's house is blown up, he lives on the streets,
Sneaking into Old Joe's deli, and stealing small lunch meats.
As he was sitting there, lying in a cardboard box,
We came to him and said "Hey Bob, we brought you some rocks.
They're flint and steel you know, so you can make a fire."
He went to a deserted corner, and lit a fire in a tire.
Yep, just me and Steve, in that alleyway,
FYI, Steve thinks he's Batman, that I had to say :)
So standing there, being nonchalant, a strike came from the sky
Little Dude yelled "KOOOCHHAAAAMOOO!" And I just yelled "AII!"
He landed right on Steve's face, and it was quite a brawl,
Neither side was losing, neither side winning at all.
Then the hamster whipped out his brand new laser gun,
Pointed it and pulled the trigger, Steve went into the sun.
I came to attack Little Dude, for he had blasted my friend,
He said, "Thou shalt step no further, or come to thine end.
I am auditioning for Romeo and Juliet, that was the fight scene,
I have to finish practicing, so this may seem obscene."
He trotted over to poor Bob, who screamed and yelled and hissed,
But then to my great surprise, it was Bob that he KISSED!!!
The Dude then said, "Bye Juliet, now I must go away."
Bob then had a heart attack, I never forgot that day.

Outlaw Bill

Lemme tell you 'bout Outlaw Bill-
who'd cattle rustle and sheriffs kill

His pistols he replaced every tenth frag-
After he'd melted the barrels to slag

His mangy beard's what did him in-
when it caught fire in some bar fightin'

Not dead, but a very badly burned goon-
Ol' Bill wound up on the gallows too soon

That frayed rope gave way t' his sweaty weight-
an' Bill came down to his feet feelin' great

Three times more the sheriff fetched 'nother rope-
but could't for his life hang the big dope

Bill came down with a plop off rope number four-
Still smilin' but hoping there'd be no more

Sheriff Bob couldn't bear Bill's smiling mug-
so he shot a round in the chest o' the lug

Bill fell in a heap and Bob said in a squeak
" Finally! I thought that would take all week!"

The Phantom Little Dude: Episode 1
Eric Bolten

Steve is now gone, I'm very sad, but now I hang with Beav,
A kid I know who's nickname's Beaver, not like boring Steve.
Anyway, out to the theater, on a friday night,
Was the time I saw a quite amazing sight.
I sat down in my chair, my popcorn so divine,
When I heard a small voice yell "This movie theater's mine!"
And there stood Darth Dude, just a hamster standing there,
But I would know that hamster from just 'bout anywhere.
I said "Hey Little Dude, what's up? What's going on?"
I heard, "Silence, you fool, the battle line's drawn!"
So I took out my light-saber, this model was blue,
We stabbed, struck and parried for a minute or two,
Then he said "You fool, you're going to die!"
And then I found out that Darth Dude could fly!
I ran in large circles, around the large room,
And Darth Dude was flying, whacking me with a broom.
I said, "Hey dude, what's up with the broom?"
He replied, "I don't know...but you're going to your tomb!"
Now I was weak, from the beating of bristles,
Darth Dude was flying, I heard cackling and whistles,
When all of a sudden, a thought! Would it work?
"Hey, get down here," I said, "You little jerk!"
"WHAT DID YOU SAY?!?!?" He yelled back with a wail,
He flew straight at me, but I grabbed his tail!
He flipped about and squeaked, but I threw him in the air,
Out of the window, and outta my hair.
I said "Hey Beav, it is time to go."
He replied, "But wait, what about the rest of the show?"
"Aw forget it," I said, "I'm going to leave."
So we left, back to home, and remembered poor Steve.

Love and Life
Andy Eichinger

Love and Life go hand in hand.
Over mountains and through the sand.
Through the winter and into spring
Love and life will surely ring,
But one alone cannot exist
And right now I'll tell you this
That all the people across the land
Know love and life go hand in hand.

Poofy Haired Weather Man
Andy Eichinger

There ia a poofy haired weather man on the screen
I can't turn it off, I just want to scream.
The batteries in the clicker all seem to be gone
The TV won't go off, it just stays on.

The poofy haired weather man
he drives me insane
and when he says that word
I want to cringe in pain.

That word he says, he says it with such fashion
I hate it, I hate it, I hate it with a passion.
If all you guys and gals out there know what I talk about
then you know that word he says makes you want to shout.

If you don't I guess that that's good,
but if you want I guess I could
tell you that word that he uses
he says "yeah", and blows the fuses.

Hamster In the Rough
Adam Kroeker and Jason Klassen

There once was a Hamster named Tony,
Who loved his Rice-a-Rony,
He ate way too much,
Of spinach and such,
And grew to the size of a pony.

He joined up with Jenny Craig,
Who told him to "go break a leg",
He tried out the plan,
but it was made for a man,
So he went and threw up in a bag.

Now the Hamsters anorexic,
We hope your not dyslexic,
You then could not read,
this tale of need,
From a Hamster whose problems are hectic.

Little Dude and the Sundance Kid
Eric Bolten

Way out in the wicky wild west,
Lives Little Dude, at shootin' he was best,
He could knock out your eye from a full mile,
And when he went down, he went down in style.
Now I will tell you of his tragic demise,
But the end, I assure you, will be a surprise.
Now him an ol' Sundance, his partner of course,
Went straight into town and stole them a horse.
They went off to the desert, in search of lost gold.
All they found was some papers, and some bread with mold.
They robbed a big train, but all the people were poor,
Once they tried to rob a small store,
All they got was a WHACK! with a broom,
And all they left with was an old mushroom.
They were not cut out for a life of crime,
They knew they must stop, but they had a great time.
One day Sundance said, "Hey dude, this is dandy!
Why don't we go and sell cotton candy?"
Little Dude replied quickly, with disgust on his face,
And said, "I'd rather die than do that disgrace!"
And he did.

(Of course, he will be reincarnated for further poems) THE END!

The Amazing Hampster
Rachel Suliivan

Poor Little Hampster,
Sitting on your wheel.
No one to talk to,
No one know's how you feel.

But why sit there little hampster,
When you can get out?
You just sit there and stare,
Why if I were you I whould shout.

Trapped in a wee little cage,
With your wee little Wheel.
You just sit there and stare,
You don't even finish your meal!

What's wrong little hampster?
Didn't I treat you well?
When you wanted to run I gave you your ball,
Boy did you look swell.

So tell me dear hampster what's wrong.
And my hampster replies,with a sly little smile,
"I'm sad because you left that treat out side my cage,
And you haven't given it to me all this while.

Kip the Plip
Fungus Face

There once was a little green plip
And it went by the name of Kip
It was a cute little thing
To my knee it loved to cling

It liked to eat little bugs
And give me lots of hugs
It enjoyed an evening snack
Which he ate with his elephant, Jack

My little plip was nice and cuddly
Even though it was hardly studly
I had always loved Kip so
With a kind and friendly glow

Although he was really squishy
I had smelled something was fishy
One day he was missing
I guess he left while I was pissing

I looked for him during day and night
Though the coyotes put up a fight
Then I finally found my plip
Hostage aboard a pirate ship

None of the pirates were really handsom
And they charged me a lot of ransom
They charged me several thousand dollars
And a couple doggy collars

Why they wanted collars for dogs
Confused me more than why they wore clogs
Why they wanted money I could understand
As they put little Kip in my hand

I took Kip home that very day
And though the weather was damp and grey
I was happy as a hamster with a carrot
And I must give Kip's bravery a lot of merit

Then he gave me a happy slurp
And a very lovely chirp

For he was Kip, Kip, Kip the plip!
The happiest plip in the whole giant universe!
Kip, Kip, Kip the plip!
He would never even wanna curse!

The greatest plip there ever was
And I'm telling you because
He's Kip, Kip, Kip the plip!
Survived the ordeal with the pirate ship!

An Ode To Hampsters
Adam Kroeker

Oh hampster brown and squishy,
Your fur is soft and err... pishy.
Your ears are so delightful,
Your cunning ways so spiteful.
You dance in the sun,
And eat grandmas bun.
You fill me with delight.
But poor Rachel can't spell your name right.

Stairway to Hamster


There's a hamster who's sure
that his wheels goin' somewhere
But he's ridin' a wheel to nowhere.
If e'er he gets there he knows
If the stores are all closed
With a gasp, he will die from exhaustion.
Ooh, ooh and he's ridin' a wheeeel to nowhere.

There's a bottle on the wall
But he wants to press on
'cause you know sometimes wheels leave without you.
In a cage on the desk
There's a hamster who sweats
Sometimes all of our pets are cruel-hearted...
Ooh, it makes me nauseous
Ooh, it makes me nauseous

There's a feeling I get when I look at that wheel
And that hamster is crying for leaving
In his thoughts he has seen
a purpose to his scheme
And the spinning will drive him to madness.
Ooh, it makes me nauseous
Ooh, it really makes me nauseous

And it's whispered that soon
lest he stops actin' the loon
That the wheel will break down around him
And some new bones will break
For those who had steak (????)
And the owners will echo with laughter ("Stupid Hamster!")

If there's a hamster in your cage, now
Don't be alarmed. Wow!
Just take him out and caress him (oooo).

Yes, there are two paths you can go by
But in the long run
The hamster will bless you if you save him.

Your hamster's running and he won't slow
In case you don't know
unless you call him to join you
Dear rodent, can you hear the wind blow, and did you know?
Your wheel's frikkin goin' nowhere.

And as he runs along that wheel
We can save him if we choose
All it takes is just a hand
To save that hamster from the damned
And if you listen very hard
That rat will speak to you at last
When all are one and one is all
When men and hamsters are equals!!
Then the brotherhood will stand!!
Rodents join hands throughout the land!!

And he's ridin a wheel...goin nowhere....

This poem has no title
Amy Self

I threw a coin into the fountain,
And wished that you'd come back to me...

Someone came and stole my coin
and bought a cup of coffee....

Now I wish I had a cup of coffee.

[I also love my hamster very much!]

(C} selfmade poetry, Amy Self. 1995

Amy self

My HAmster is so funny,
when in his wheel he runny...
never tiring
or perspiring...
only following the sun(y)

Oh! The unimaginble guilt I feel
whene'er he runneth in his wheel!
There is no escape for him.
No change of scenery,
no rest for my weary traveller.
I bet he's run a thousand miles...
he runs, he chases
and all the while
he stares at me with contempt
his silent laments
haunt me in my sleep.
At night I hear him creep
when no one is around
to hear the lonely sound
of the metal on the glass..
the maddening rattle of the
metal on the glass.......

He also loves peanuts.

Shattered Reflection
Karen Krickow

I wish i had a mirror
for memories fade away
to only once look back
on yesterdays today

to hold it in my hand
to look , to see , to cry,
to wonder who i am
so i'd never wonder why

to shine it on my soul
and hope to see my heart
to hold it there forever
until it falls apart

to reflect it on the earth
and undo all that's wrong
to shine it on all people
and show them they belong

i must lock it in a box
and throw away the key
to keep it there forever
for all eternity.

Evolving Fish Laments

The flow caresses all within
a continuous description of
boundaries, limits.
Like unto objects through time
a silhoutte of meaning
is abstracted.

The echoes of ones passing
whirls the waters
Vortexes of shape and shapelessness
Catch at the pebbles and slime of the riverbed.
Therin being an extension of reach into chaos.

The rushing flow swirls up and around
eager to enter the needing mouth
To drown in undeliniated shape
Making ghosts in a realm without enfolding flesh.

Pressure from lack of form
Writhes around like a giant's fist
Hurling slowly up, away.
Into a realm yet more formless still.
Refugees lost now to mad dancing air.

Motherflow waits still.

My Hamster the President

I bought 3 little Hamsters
as hairless as could be
hoping to make a good dinner
for people like you and me

but when I was about to cook them
one really did his best
to show all his hamster colors
and he stood above the rest

He doesn't bite he doesn't squeal
he runs all day on his hamster wheel
he would make a mighty fine meal
but I FEEL he's better locked up in his cage

he didn't lay his droppings
on the president
although he is an inbissal
and hamster should have dropped missile

this little one makes the world better
for people like me and you
he is a really great hamster,
don't you think so too?

This hamster would make a great president
I think to be a president is what he is meant. . .for.
his speech would be oh so great
and I could be his running mate

The world would be a better place for you, your hamster and me
and Granny and Mama Pat and Aunt Nancy
and for coyotes and alligators and Austin Powers too
and for the sandwiches and pizzas that are oh so very poor(say it like this: poo-or)

Hamster could stop World War III
Against Disney Land, Six Flags, and Ger-ma-nee
Against people with outie bellybuttons
who weigh tons and tons and tons and tons

Hamster would change the world
with just one squeal
he would just run all day
on his hamster wheel

not like other Presidents
like George Washington, Lincoln, and Polk
Who worked their butts off every day
just to have a country with happy folk

But not our friend hamster,
who has grown very strong
in the polygon he would allow
a tournament of Ping-Pong

Just thinking about it makes me excited
Our President: Hamster the Hamster
but right now he is in my house,
on his famous hamster wheel

If Hamsters Ruled the World
Fungus Face

If hamsters ruled the world
Life would be really cool
Because instead of a human leader
There would be a hamster to rule

Friday would be SPAM day
To celebrate that wonderful food
It tastes better than any veggies could
And will lighten up a bad mood

Carrots would get their own holiday
And mouse traps would be made illegal
And they would change the picture on our quarters
SPAM would replace that boring old eagle

We would get rid of old fashioned treadmills
And replace them with hamster wheels
Carrots, SPAM and other hamster munchies
Would surpass any other meals

So clearly it would be wonderful
It would be a brilliant paradise
And if you thought about defying hamster law
Maybe you'd better think twice

Ad-lib poem
Wesley Gardner

I never think that I should find
A better way to waste my time
Than writing poems with no topic
Or any structure found herewith

For instance, my friend did you know
I had a dog whose name was Snow?
He tried to catch a train to bed
But that train caught my dog instead.

Oh woe is me! I said right then
I lost my faithful doggie Ben!
Or was it Snow? I'll never know.
He's spread around so nicely though.

But by this time I am disgusted
And my train of thought has rusted
So I think I'll just pretend
That here is where the poem shall end.

My Hamster, Buddy

I was walking along in the field one day,
satisfied in every way,
until I heard my hamster buddy, had gone and past away.
Ive missed him every day since then,
how sorrowfull it had been,
and I still and sad that buddy, had to meet his end.
I will not cry one little bit,
because there is something I know,
my little Hamster buddy, even though hes bit the dust,
I now hes gone to heaven, just like every hamster must.
Many nights ive almost cried,
because my little buddy died,
but he is still alive, for ever ever more,
beacause his memeries are inside me,
and that is a feeling of glee.
So whenever your hamster goes away,
in your heart, they will stay,
they will remain inside you,
no matter what you do.

Hamster In Ticklish Places
Adam Kroeker

I get up in the morning to brush my teeth,
There's a hamster in my toilet, underneath.
I get in the car to go to work,
In the glove compartment my hamster does lurk.
I get to my job at 5 after nine,
I pick up the phone, Hamster's on the line.
I swiftly move to put the phone down,
When the intercom goes "Hamster's in town"!
I quickly scramble under my table,
But there is a hamster in my shirt, by the label.
I get up and run to and fro in distress,
But I see another hamster in my secretaries dress.
(Note: I made sure to help take it out.)
Now that work was done, I was on my way home,
I took a bath! Oh, no! Hamster in the foam!
I cannot stop them, they're everywhere, I see,
I cannot stop them, so I let them sleep with me.

Losing my mind

Bright one day, long ago
In summer when we don’t think of snow
I lost my mind that bright one day
It just got up and walked away
“I’m leaving,” it said, “Because you don’t use me much
and this being as such
I'm forsaking you for a better owner
I’ll make you an involuntary brain donor!”
So without as much as a “bye”
We parted that day, my brain and I
Drooling uncontrollably, I ran into walls
With strange looks, my parents made a few phone calls
They gave me a neat white jacket and put me in a bouncy room
Where I rocked back and forth and screamed out: “Zoom!”
Around a year later my mind returned
To its owner which it once had spurned
It sat next to me and with a sigh
Related its tale, as it began to cry:
“I went to Stephen Hawking and other men of lore
But no one had any room for me to store
So I came back to you, my faithful friend
I hope our friendship I did just mend.”
Not crazy anymore, I left the room
Right before the doctors declared my doom
Since, my mind has left me many times
It has done favors and committed crimes
I wish it would stay, my brain I mean
Understanding quantum mechanics is rather keen
You can’t have it all, and I should know
When I lost my mind, not too long ago...

I Am Me

I am books dropped in the snow.
I am the mouse tempted by the trap's cheese.
I am the worn lace on a runner's shoe.
I am the ant dragging the cookie to the hive.
I am last gallon in a car.
I am the exclaimation point at the end of the sentence!
I am the paper bearing the birth of an idea.
I am the needle of a compass.
I am the blades of a pencil sharpener.
I am the last mile in a marathon.
I am the last second of New Year's Eve.

Vision, or Mirage?

The reflection shows its awesome beauty,
through its color and shiny visions.
A pool of water or an icy mirror,
can show you images and memories.
What you view can be a human cry,
an echo since long passed.
Or maybe a melody from an aged tune,
never noisy but of perfect sound and peace.
You will see and hear them all the time,
even when the sun runs through your tears.

The Boy Without A Hamster
John St.Clair

An emty root beer can,
A plastic action figure,
Some floppy disks,
And lots of paper.

These are the things
That clutter my desk
I write about them
Beacuse I have no hamster.

But if I did, I would
write about him
All the time
I might even make a rhyme

Oh what joy he wuold bring me
And oh! what songs he would sing me
And around and aronnd his wheel would go
The floor he'd mop the grass he'd mow

And everone with HIV
My hamster they would see
Then he'd dive down in the sea
And all the fish slaves would be free!

HA! HA! and no more evil little imps
compared with my hamster there all whimps
Out of the Dark he would rise!
and be evil's demise!


but, I don't have a hamster
oh, well

Where is Spot
Eric Tsai www.myhamster.homepage.com

Where is Spot I wonder now.
And I will always wonder how
She hamster became a he hamster
When I thought that he was a she.

So you did it with your sister
Will thats really quite disgusting
But I guess in the world of hamsters
Survival depends on propagating.
(And gosh did you two propagate.)

14 clubs I found one morning.
Little, pink, hamsters-a-squirming.
Never could I have imagined
They belonged to your companion.

So, in a way, it was the morning after,
And you sat there looking at her,
But you know it was all your fault.
"Wait till you're married" you were taught.

On my five-dollar-a-week allowence
I could not fufill the requirements
Of a nursing mother with babies
And an irresponsible dead beat daddy.

It was the year of 95
When we gave you to meet your fate
And sold you for three dollars and fifty-five
Because the pet shop brought by weight.

I wonder to whose home you retired.
You should know Creamy has expired,
But I'm sure you don't care at all
For in reality, you are a dog.

Hamsters Aren't Poets
Ryan Faillace

My hamster likes to fight,
there's nothing i can do.
Whenever I try to stop him,
he does his Jujitsu.

No, I'm completely serious,
my freind's house I took him.
He escaped from his cage,
then all the lights went dim.

He kidnapped my freind's mom,
and kept her in the attic.
Something hit me on the head,
and all the rest was static.

My hamster coulden't drive,
and this he didn't know.
He ran over 12 people,
and now he's on death row.

Man, I'm not a poet,
all these rymes just stink.
I'm just really bored,
with too much time to think.

I'm not a vrrry good ttyper,
this im dsure yoo see.
Remember that violent hmster?
ttthat hamster is really me.

A Happy Hamster Haiku Collection
Murray X

A Furry Hamster
Does He Ever Eat Canned Spam?
Only He Knows That.

A Vampyre Once Dead
Used To Chop Off Hands And Heads
His Eyes Must Be Red.

What Was That Guy's Name?
He Once Had A Magic Hat
Was He Friends With Bob?

Elvis Has Been Seen
Not By Me, But By Others
Where Could He Be Now?

Sad story of a Hamster

A hamster walks into a bar one day,
And orders up a drink
The bartender looks at him and says
"Your too young, i think"

The hamster pulls out his ID,
The drinks are then supplied.
But as bartender pours the drink,
He sees pain in the Hamster's eyes.

"What's wrong, my little furry friend?
How's life been treating you?
Your hamster life can't be all bad,
Why need a drink or two?"

"What would you know, why do you ask?"
The drunk hamster did reply
"Life treats us all without respect,
And all my friends have died."

"Sam and Fred and Sal and Sue,
They have all been killed."
He pauses to take a drink,
Not a drop is spilled.

Sam was hit by a truck,
Fred died there too.
Sal just disappeared one day,
I think he was added to some stew.

"Sue's death was the worst of all
Because she was the best
She died in my arms one night,
I put her to rest."

The hamster stops to drink again
The bartender just frowns,
For when he looks that way again,
The hamster had drowned.

This poem is stupid, what's the point?
I know this you think
But the moral of this story is:
Hamsters shouldn't drink


I think I want a hamster,
'cause hamsters are so grey.
I'd call my hamster Yougus,
and songs Yougus would play.

He'd sing about his food tray.
He'd sing about his food.
But sometime's he'd go gothic
When he got in the mood.

But I would just respect that.
I'd dare not interfere.
If I were to make fun then
He'd bite off half my ear.

And then you know what he'd do?
He'd get me with a knife.
He'd eye me with his hamster eye
and take away my life.

Something just occurred to me.
He doesn't yet exist.
I don't have to be worried.
I needn't yet get pissed.


What's the point?
Corffin da theif

What's the point of a poem place?
Say the answer, right to my face!
All it is is funny stuff
that a bunch of people thought up.
I think this is stupid, so HAHAHA!
If you disagree, you're wrong!
Cauze this is just a stupid place,
where tons of people compete in the race.
"What race?" you ask, and I say to you
a race to the best poem, you!
And then I ask "Oh, just one thing...

the heck with hamsters

The heck with hamsters thats what I say.
I mean,they dont really give good pay.
I had a job for one once you know?
Well lett me tell you,
About the time,

It was a blustery day back in 1492.
The same day that Columbus sailed the ocean blue.
Anyway,the hamsters said I owed them money.
And I thought they were being funny.
As a matter of fact the hamsters i did owe.
so they hired me at 10 cence an Hr. for shoveling snow.
I had them payed off in only 3 days.
Then my head began to fill with hase.
A hamster had just bit my foot.
Right then i flung him off and he went splut.
I quit my job and ran away.
I bought me a girble.
And decided to stay.

= he end

The redish-brown hamster
Matt "the man" A.

The redish-brown hamster was sad;
Beacause all the other hamsters had;
Brownish-brown fur to deem themselves;
He tried to buy it off the shelves:
but no one would sell him any;
not even for a hamster penny;
no one liked him he was wierd;
his fur was diffrent that was wierd;
but then he took over the world made all the other hamsters die there fur redish-brown and he made fun of them all day untill he got really tired and went to bed!

The poem of the stupid hamster king
Matt "the man" A.

The hamster sits on his throne all day waving his septer all over the place unwittingly hitting other hamsters in the head they just cant do anything about it because he is the king. He was a real idiot he impared an avarage of forty hamsters per. hour. But one day when the enemy was upon them he destroyed them all just looking for his contact lens so i guess he's okay.

Don't Touch That Pickle

The pickle is ugly,
It is icky, icky, icky.
So don't touch the pickle
Or your hands will get sticky.
The pickle stinks of Yoda,
Its small and green.
But the pickle will eat you,
Its a killing machine.
So be nice to the pickle,
And it won't eat you.

-D. Allen Hayse (Newrad)

Ballad of the Hero

Once upon a time, long ago
There was quite a rule of the hamster hero.
He took everything, he stole every place,
Until Attila the Pickle spit in his face.

"Halt", said Attila."You shall steel no more,
For I shall kill you now like a butchter Slaughters a boar."
The hamster, namd Bob, suddenly lost breathe.
This little pickle had promised him death.

So Bob and Attila had such a rumble,
Dust flew and guns shot in this gruesome tumble.
Blood was shed, and sweat did run,
Until each of our heros shot a gun.

Both shots did fly, so loyal and true,
The fight was over, there was nothing left to do.
Attila and Bob fough a great fight,
But in the end, they each saw the light.

"Bob", said Attila,"Fighting is bad,
I have to admit, I have been had."
"Its a good thing I didn't have to give in",
Bob said with an evil grin.

So Bob tied Attila up,
And threw him in the river.
Then he detonated the C-4,
And the world did shiver.

Battle of 1814
Adam Love

In 1814 we took a little trip,
I had a little hamster tied to my hip.
We took a little bacon and we took a little beans
and we sailed our boats down to New Orleans.

Well that little hamster was a good at fighten'
Their Iceberg lettece he was a biten'
Their squad ran out of food on the spot.
For them to surrender is what they saught.

Thanks to the hamster we finally won the battle,
As the hero we perched him on the sattle,
He rode around the town, but he was so shy.
Nothing came out of his mouth not even a sigh.

Forever in our hamster balls a hero lives inside it.

The story of Stan
Follerman Defender of something or other

Long long ago there was a man named Stan.
Stan wasn't a very tall man, poor Stan.
He had a bad habit of rubbing flammable liquids on himslelf.
Till one day finally appeared a small elf.

The elf did say "Now listen here Stan
It is known very well that you aren't a tall man
The wise waste basket of Sir Jim the collector of oddly shaped rocks
Says to come to the place where the rulers are clocks"

To this Stan replied "What did you say?" I was cleaning my ear,
Hey while your neer the fridge can you get me a beer?"
The elf was not pleased and stepped on his toes
Then knocked him unconcious and broke his nose

So clocks still rule in the far away land
With their fists of bronzeyness and large marching bands.
But listen to me and shed not any tears
The lesson you must learn is "Don't clean you ears!"


The story of Jim Jim Jim
Follerman Defender of something or other

Jim Jim Jim was his name
one day he was bored and made up a game
He said "I feel motivated to act randomly, so
I think I shall make a company that business is to gargle snow

The parakeet nextdoor thought this was strange
Jim Jim Jim was never this deranged
Unless you count the time with the mime
and the chime shaped like a lime

He thought Jim Jim Jim needed to be put to rest
He went to his guns and looked for the best
Jim Jim Jim meanwhile was spending his newfound wealth in style
He discovered his business was popular around the Nile

He bought many things, such as frog made of styrofoam
A large gnome posing with an elf with a comb
The elf was however in disguise
You could tell it was the parakeet by looking at his eyes

The parakeet waited until Jim Jim Jim desided it was time for a swim
Jim Jim Jim dove into the pool and found he couldn't feel his limbs
The water was filled with hairgel of the very worst sort
Jim Jim Jim suddenly felt his body contract and contort

The parakeet moved in for the kill
Suddenly Jim Jim Jim said with a thrill
"I am not really Jim Jim Jim!
I locked him up in the gym!

"Then who are you?" said the parakeet
Who was slowly crawling up to his feet
"I am part eskimo, part wolf man!
But if you want to know my name it is Stan!"

"Stan? From the last poem? How can it be?"
"Simple" said Stan with some glee
"I used the inter dimension traveling tree!
And know that you know I will have to kill you with this ski!"

And so he did. Stan was last seen
With an oddly shaped bean
Yelling at it constanly saying something like
"I don't need that syrup just because it didn't vote for Ike!"


Hamsters With Chitonous Plating

chitonous plating is cool and
my hamster has some and it makes
his exoskeloten hard and pointy
and whenever a cat attacks him he
uses his mighty pointy exoskeleton
and gives the cat whats coming and
then he lies down and has a
pina colada and watches some
TV and goes to sleep with
his teddy bear named zargonite
this pointless poem was written
by an unemployed rodent as
a cry for attention see u later

Native Hamster King
Seniore Nato

Sitting atop his wood hamster king throne
Silvery scepter in hand, all to call his own

Hamster land, hamster grand is he. Ruling over all, even you and me.

Running in his wheel of gold, others doing what they are told

Sitting, sipping, smiling, sacrificing.

Fat with food pellets bored with prime.
He looks with joy out his island cage, as he hears "Mickey, Feeding Time!"

The pessimistic forest
st _clair_john@hotmail.com

This is a poem I wrote for school, so excuse the lack of hamster jokes.

I am the forest
monkeys swing in my branches
I don't like monkeys

I am the forest
fish swim in my creeks
I don't like fish

I am the forest
birds live in my trees
birds are okay

I am the forest
bugs crawl on my dirt
I don't like bugs

I am the forest
bulldosers kill me
...at least I can get away from those monkeys

The Idles of March
THM-The Nalduil

March has passed and it's so great.
As grobal warming hits the date
One day cold
The next seventy
I grow old
Soon I'm sixteen
I The acid rain I invite
And All deny the deliteful site
Hamster's arise from mans demise
And All are happy. Bob survives!

Anders E. Thorvaldsen

Once, in a time forgotten
there lived small furballs made of cotton.
These furballs walked around,
without even the slightest sound.
They walked in a world without time.
They walked in a world without crime.
They didn't always walk, but also hovered in the air.
They never combed their hair.
It was no reason for it, and they couldn't.
And of course; they shouldn't.
They were just furballs made of cotton,
long ago, in a time forgotten.

Anders E. Thorvaldsen

Why, oh why
does a banana taste like a banana?
Couldn't it taste like a bear or an Iguana?
Why is the bird in the tree?
Why doesn't a bean taste like a pea?
Why, oh why is it like this?
Why doesn't a strawberry taste like a kiss?
Why are not males females, and the other way around?
Why is it the dogs that are bound?
Why is there hope?
Why can't I be the pope?!
Why must I learn math?
Why must one search for life's path?
Why isn't fire cold?
Why are not babies full-grown and old?
Why isn't a pencil as sharp as a knife?
What is the meaning of life?
Why can't the moon shine alone?
Why is gold heavier than stone?
Why haven't I got all the answers?
Well... I really don't know....

I composed this in 5 minutes while watching Teletubies

The sadness is truly eroding my soul,
The loss of such a cherished life,
Why must such a thing die?
Why not Bobs wife?

No offense Bob,
You and your wife are meant to be,
Both strange, with deminted minds,
Sorry, but its not hard to see.

Back to my sadness,
Life is so unfair, how could I not know?
It is just so obvious,
Because of strange people, like Edgar Allen Poe.

Sorry dude,
But you got major depression issues, why?
I mean, you have, a look that went out a hundred years ago,
And all you do is, uh, cry.

My point is,
My loving companion, how could it just die?
My darling hamster,
The love of my life?

I grieve and grieve,
And fall in despair,
The poor thing died,
Sad part is that I really dont care.


If it looks like a duck
And it quacks like a duck
And there's duck-doo on your pickup truck
You can bet your bottom buck
It ain't no armidillo.

The Story of Sammy the Bucket
John St.clair


Sorry, I was just getting warmed up

One bright day, so long ago,
A bucket named Sammy lived deep in the snow
And he said:
"I wish I had appendages"

"Then I could get out of this snow,
beacuse when spring comes I'll
fill up with water and get mildewy
and be a breeding ground for misquetoes."

So he wished for a fish
to grant him a wish
and lo and behold
a fish who was old

came and talked to sammy

"I want arms and legs!" He pleaded
"Don't beg(s)!"

Said the fish

"If you had legs, then where would you go?"
"Why, out of the snow!"Sam said

"But then you'd need galoshes!"

And on their arguement went
Months and monthes they spent

Then spring came
and sam hadden't made a wish

and the fish was glad
and the bucket was sad
beacuse the fish went and lived in Sammy

"I now have a wish!"
He said to the fish

"I wish you and the water in my head were gone!"

"I can't grant wishes
I'm just one of the fishes

And now I have a home!"

I'm a little hamster
Nibbles The Hamster

I'm a little hamster,
Short and stout,
Here's my tail,
Here's my snout,
If you try to stroke me,
You'd better whatch out,
Without a doubt!

Rose the Hamster
Heather Mizuno

This is the tale of Rose the Hamster,
The prettiest thing ever seen.
Her fur was golden in color,
And her delicate eyes were pure green.

One day, back when she was just little
She found an Omicron troll.
All its kind were extinct in the mountain
It was one of a kind, it was old.

Now Rose had a big heart and she saw
That it was injured and would soon die.
And after she nursed it a little
It told her of magic in the sky.

It held up its hand and cast out a beam
Which fell upon the hamsterette.
The troll died away and the girl
Had powers she would not regret.

She learned how to fight off all enemies
From Lord Broaste to the tiniest plip.
She was looking for someone brave
To give a fat lip.

One day it just so happened
She met young Bob, our hero.
She had heard he was hard to fight with
And she ended up hit point zero.

This was the first battle Rose had lost
She was looking for someone who could win.
She hadn't used magic in the fight
Because she wanted things even.

She asked him if he wanted her magic,
Bob refused very polite.
But she shed that beam of light on him
And now he knows Magicsmite.

Then years later Broaste took her captive.
She had given her magic to Bob.
And when he eventually rescued her,
She only replied with a sob,

"Dearest hamster, you've become the hero,
But I fear that I must go
To wherever the people may need me
And where I can be the hero."

Bob's eyes welled with tears for he loved her,
He was lovestruck from that fateful day.
He still could not believe his ears
At what she had to say.

Bob's eyes had a pitiful look
As he merely tried to comprehend,
But by the time that he brushed the tears out of his eyes,
She was gone to the Hamster Land's end.

To this day no one knows where exactly
She may be found in sight.
Bob claims to know, though, but how is that so?
In his heart she is still in sight.

Endless Staircase
Heather Mizuno

It was a stormy, frightful, perilous night.
And it seems that none were about.
None, that is, except the mage
That all Flanat village was talking about.

A bitter girl, she had a past
She simply could not reveal.
She had scores to settle with her enemy
And his fate must soon be sealed.

She was known as a beautiful doom
And was better than those twice her age.
Not blue, black, white, or red,
This was a rainbow mage.

The enemy that this young girl sought
Was the wizard on top of a stair.
He would conquer the world as he'd conquered the girl
Unless someone would cause his impair.

"It's now or never" the brave mage told herself
As she prepared for the walk of her life.
It wasn't one stair, it was thousands,
And this would cause the girl major strife.

She faced the tall tower as quick as a flash.
She took the first step just right.
Just getting to her foe was so much trouble
But she was determined with every flight.

The wizard laughed as he watched her, and
After 90 or so floors of stairs
The brave young mage slowly looked up
And saw she wasn't getting anywhere.

The wizard could create endless flights of stairs
And could keep her out of sight.
But the brave young soul wouldn't die out.
And so she kept on with all her might.

Then she heard a noise just behind her.
It was a squeak, and then a shout.
She saw it was a blue hamster.
Quite abnormal, without a doubt.

The hamster said, "This is hopeless!
If you don't stop, you will get killed!
So I'd go back down if I were you
And jump with all my skill!"

The poor little thing was very tired.
He fell back and thumped his way down.
The jumping had given the brave mage
An idea that turned her around.

She would fly to the top of this endless staircase
And push her foe off to the side.
Even though it could destroy the staircase
And make her commit suicide.

She took this risk and flew away
To the top of her foe's land.
She began to push the midget wizard
And proceed with the rest of her plan.

The staircase vaporized with its creator.
The mage abruptly fell.
But before she could ever hit the ground
She had a chance to yell.

It happened that this tower
Was close to Flanat town.
James, her friend, heard the call
And saved her from tumbling down.

He cast a sort of bubble spell
That helped to cushion her fall.
She thanked him and went on her way again,
When James realized he hadn't been rewarded at all.

It costs MP to use bubbles, you know!
This thought was wild in James' head.
But he knew that if he were to insult her,
He might as well be dead.

He told Bob of what happened
That cold and gloomy night.
Bob only raised an eyebrow and said,
"You're spiffy and just all right!"

James never saw the girl again
But many other would.
And if you see her,
Would you get me her autograph? I would!

Things happen
Todd Vincent

Things happen unexpectedly
I never saw that coming
Things turn completly around
I can already hear the stories
I can already hear the excuses
I sit drinking
One night or another
One day or one night
Home or away
I can't explain the fire
You seem to have been the perfect couple
In front of the scary couples
Someone said "what kind of friend is she"
Now I really begin to wonder

Greeting from the brush
Danfish 77

From the way he came from the bushes
and extended his hand,
I could tell he had come
from a strange, foreign land.

His clothes were quite "frumpy,"
his hair just as lumpy,
and he greeted me from
nary ten paces away:

"'Ello, 'ello, I'm Sigfried Stalnode,
I've traveled the world,
yet nary set foot on a road;
fearing nothing of Wyrm,
yet quite 'fraid of toad;
as previously stated, I'm Sigfried Stalnode."

And then, as if reading my mind,
he spouted more prose,
of the boastful kind:

"My mind is quick,
my mouth just as sharp,
and, if I may say so, m'lady,
if I were a zyther,
you'd be a harp."

With this in mind,
I made my decision;
I drew out my knife,
and made a cranial incision.

"No need for attempts to annoy,"
I said to the corpse,
"for it will end to no avail,
you'll simply be dead, and hoarse!"


Wheat sitting out in the field,
Along comes those Treshers who do not yeild.
They come and go as they please,
As those helpless wheat die with its fleas.

The industry hides their fate,
As those who know about this fill with hate.
As the wheat are hit with death,
They scream "Bread is Murder!" to the human Beth.

If I Were A Hamster
The Supreme Edible

I never see the green
Coz green is not a pig
I'd love to be a hamster
But my ears'd be too big
Well, if I were a hamster
I wouldn't want to be
Coz all the facial tissues
Don't really think of me
In fact I hate the hamsters
What's good with this webpage
The articles which make me
Laugh a tenth year off my age
But that would make me two
And that's not good at all
While back about a year
I could barely think to crawl
But I can think, all right
I think I thought today
But that aint relevant
To what I'm saying, anyway
Of course, what was I saying
I didn't really think
Well, if I were a hamster
I'd only be half pink

of hamsters and apples

apples red and apples sweet
apples crisp my hamsters eat
what heinous crime or sin
could warrent the dire fate within?

do they know now love from hate
tell good from evil
but its too late
cursed sentience - driven away
hamsters have nowhere to sleep or stay
no grassy eden to roll and play
so hamsters now they sit and sigh
of paradise that passed them by

one stands up and makes a fire
another invents the wooden tire
one while discovering the wedge
is inspired to build stonehenge
history is what the hamsters paint
the dragon slain by hamster saint

what lofty goals that strange aspire
the hamster spark of creative fire?

civilizations rise and fall
these hamsters have seen them all
penultimate knowledge lies beneath
that furry pelt and pointed teeth

yet apples sweet are wont to tell -
hamsters don't do chores that well
stupid things can't make my bed
guess i'll feed them pears instead

Step by step

A step is taken
A paw on the ground
The floor seems stricken
With a soft brown mound

Another step, onwards, I plod
And slip through the shiny tile
Falling headfirst with a thud
I can't walk another mile

Soft fur makes me want to sleep
And dream of chasing cats away
Wag my tail, lift a paw
Play dead, lie down, all day

Do you know how hard it is
To write a poem such as this?
Using a small furry head
And a paw, It's a bliss!

Cats in me
Mr.paws -mr_paws@hotmail.com

I am a cute, cuddly, furry cat
One that's warm, I like to lay down flat

Chase a dog all day
On sight of a mouse, runaway

I'm really one of a kind
I live only in your mind

So please take care of me
Never ever leave me,

Don't trade me for silk!
I'm really one of a kind you see,
Got milk?

-General Rico

There's a she
Quite so lovely
But how can this be?
Why such tragedy?
She has this kind of beauty,
That entices me,
So I pray so hopefully,
That she'll always be
The way she used to be

The she was so kindly
When she once played with me
She's lovely
Lovely as an innocent baby
But now she has grown to be
to be a beautiful lady
All I can do is be,
be as hopeful as I could be
But why do I fear unknowingly
fearing the thing that she might be
She is already a thing of beauty
And a collector's prize, as I see
For me she is not ready,
not ready to face the dangers I see
Her travels could be deadly
Just hope that she'll live happily.

But I'm only acting childishly,
Now I'm feeling so foolishly
This just shows the selfish me
Also, I am full of jealousy
But this is just a poem you, see
Quite a very long poem, as you can see
But believe me, this is just my fantasy
Don't believe me if this sounds funny
But everything has an end, don't worry
Even though you don't believe me,
I have to end this happily

[To Worship a Hamster]
Pink Lemonady

I had a little hamster
I worshipped night and day
And if I didn't love him
I knew I'd have to play

I thought that he was crazy
When he first saw me there
He jumped up to attack me
And didn't seem to care

So throught scars and scrapes and band-aids
I bend down on one knee
And if I were to dissobey
There'd be one more on me

Now all hamsters aren't evil
Just the one that I own
Though it's not much to be proud of
He's the guy I call my own

Maybe he's eaten some poison
Or was born with a lump on his head
But either I'm lucky to have him
Or lucky that i'm not yet dead

Much Ado About Hampsters
Mr. Kspork

There once was a man from Nantucket... no... wait this is the hampster poem right? Yeah I thought so... sorry folks lemme try that again... There once was a HAMPSTER from Nantucket... Huh? You mean that doesn't help? Well why can't a hampster live in Nantucket? They do to exist! Oh... you were talking about Nantucket... Well it might exisit, I think it is in Tennese... Well of course I know that probably isn't how you spell it, I don't use spell-check you know that. Anyway back to my poem. There once was a hampster from Nantucket, who lived his whole life in a bucket... What? Well why can't a hampster live in a bucket? It's a well furnished bucket... his little bed is in the cornner, see over there is his dish... I didn't put him in a wheel since the bucket is on his side he can just run up the walls. Well I don't care this is my hampster and he lives in a bucket! Ok then... There once was a hampster from Nantucket, who lived his whole life in a bucket, one day it rained and he slipped down a drain, and the poor little fellow drowned. What do you mean that's not a poem?! All poems don't ryme, look at an Epic, did Beowulf ryme? What about Haiku do they ryme? I know it wasn't in Haiku format that wasn't the point. The point was a poem doesn't have to ryme... What's that? The hampster? Oh, he drowned wasn't you listening? I don't know why he didn't turn the bucket upside down to protect himself from the rain! I know it's my poem it's just that... oh never mind just forget the whole thing...

My Hamster Robbed a Bank
Wuzz Wombat

My hamster robbed a bank
By building a hamstery tank.

He used his hamster wheel
And his oldest food pellet meal
to build his hamstery tank.

Next he blew out wall
And made a triunphant call
-as he rolled out on the street.

He showed up at the bank
In his tiny tank

He tied up the guard,
(which without any thumbs,is quite hard)

He blew up the vault,
took all the cash,
and said it was all my fault.

While I was in jail,
And tried to get my hamster to bail
He said "Sorry I spent it on
SPAM and carrots, about a ton"
I begged and I cried
And he admits he lied
So now I am finally free.

dont have one

When you served me breakfast in bed this morning,
You suddenly said you loved me.
Without thinking, I unknowingly returned the gesture,
Even though I didn't know if I felt it.
By lunchtime, you were saying it again
And this time I honestly said it back.
As a matter of fact, we said it a lot,
Almost after every bite.
Then at dinner, I said, "I love you," first.
This time, you mumbled when you said it.
Maybe you still had chicken in your mouth,
But I hardly heard it clearly.
I wonder what dessert will be.
Maybe you'll skip saying anything,
And be more concerned with your cake.

Buck, Lum, Zam, and the Frog with a Name

My Ferret’s name is Buck.
He looks like a duck.
Sometimes he gives me luck.
My ferrets name is Buck.

My ferret likes to swim.
Sometimes he seems dim.
He doesn’t have a fin.
My ferret likes to swim.

I have a worm named Lum.
Lum acts like a bum.
He also likes to hum.
I have a worm named Lum.

Buck had stepped on Lum.
He mistook him for a crumb.
Buck doesn’t have a thumb.
Buck had stepped on Lum.

I had a horse; his name was Zam.
My horse Zam liked to eat SPAM.
He liked his SPAM with his jam.
I had a horse; his name was Zam.

Zam unfortunately stepped on Buck.
It appears that Buck had no luck.
He was only a ferret that looked like a duck.
Zam unfortunately stepped on Buck.

I had a frog that had a name.
That frog with a name was hit by a plane.
Then my frog went insane.
I had a frog that had a name.

I wrote a poem that had no point
A word that rhymes with point is yoint
Some other words are zink and zoint
I wrote a poem that had no point

Don't forget to clean hammy out...
Strawberry Girl

There once was hamster
Who lived in a cage
On top of a shelf
In the basement

He had some sawdust
And some bedding
Some food
And a bottle of water

You know how it goes
Leave it a week and it starts to smell
But they did not just leave it
For a week, you know.

Hamster purchased a clothes peg
From the hamster mall
To block out the smell
For a while at least

So hamster got fed up
And formed a rebellion
He got spears
Made out of cocktail sticks

And wrote a little sign
Saying ‘Up with disinfectant’
And a loudspeaker
Also from the hamster mall

But there was one problem
Hamster could not overcome
He tried and tried
But the cage door stayed shut

Rubbish I know, but I don’t mind cos someone will pinch the idea and make it better.


My hamster
Is so greedy
When I give her
A grape
She get it
In her mouth
And hangs on
So I can lift
Her off the table
So she hangs
By a grape
In Mid-air
With her legs and arms hanging down
Then she lets go
And falls on the table
And does it again

Oliver Lopez

Does anyone really know who we really are?
Or do they just claim falsely that they do?
Yet when they do so, they speak as if
They know our very souls.
So open, so clear, yet untrue.

Do they really see what's inside?
Or maybe they pretend, when in truth
They only see the wrappings,
the beauty, the goodness, the nicety
Of what we choose to show.

Yet still, it is as if they know,
And in some ways they do,
Who we really are
And when they claim, they speak
And maybe know our very souls
So open, so clear, yet untrue.

Not Me...
Oliver Lopez

Upon my shoulder rest, my life, my love, my soul
Give unto me your trust, and close your eyes to sleep
Let me guard as you're away on the paradise
Upon which island you find that of what you wish

Oh, my love, do thou know how much I fear for thee
How I wish the best would come to you who deserve
All what I cannot give, so I give up my life
Upon thy command, I shall bleed happy to die

My deepest concern, is that of you are with me
I fear I am a bastard, not rightful for you
But as long as you're here, I'll fight my very self
To be who you want me to be, even someone...

Not me.

Oliver Lopez

When we first met, remember how far we were?
We were strangers then, of each other we know not.
But you talked to me, and shared, and in your words told me
That for you, I was special, and because of that you were special too!

It got better, and I knew I was the happiest person alive
We felt the same way, yet slowly, something tore us apart...
I though it imposiible, but we were drifting back
To being strangers once more, of each other we know not

And now, on Earth, we live as strangers again
Yet with one thing different and it is this,
When our eyes meet, we feel, deep in our hearts
That somewhere in Heaven we have met
It was a dream so distant, and we both hope it was real

My Regret

Something that sparkled at the light,
was the hamster's red big eyes.

She looked bewildered,
She looked afraid,
Her fur looked like the golden rays.

She always bites,
No matter how threatened.
But she always felt very frightened.

I had to do it,
What choice did I have?
She bit me when I was always too near.

I ignored her,
That's what I did.

She didn't seem very keen,
on making friends with a teen.
The only time I spent with her,
Was only when I seldom fed her.

She was so tiny when given,
Then she was big after being taken.

She passed away while I was at school,
I didn't had the chance to say goodbye.

The beautiful hamster,
Being neglected,
Being ignored,
But felt so frightened,
Died out of the lack of human touch.

That's what my aunt said.

I do regret for not spending a lot of time with her,
Even though she bites the hands,
I do regret for not taking good care of her,
But I had some reasons.

She bit me,
She retreats at some offers of food,
And I always had to pat her
When she was not noticing me,
When she was eating.

I do regret what I did sometimes,
But sometimes......
I think that it was somewhat her fault...

The Great Escape

In a cramped nest compartment on the decks of Noah's Ark
lived two hamsters called Jayne Mary and Paul Mark.
There had been too little time to take lessons and learn to swim
so righteous Noah had agreed to take them in.
The wind it howled, the rain it fell, til the earth was covered thick.
The Ark it reeled and rocked and rolled; and both hamsters felt seasick.

Now, when a hamster's feeling ill, when he has a cold or flu,
one thing that will help him rest is to find some wood to chew.
Even better - joy complete! - to take away his sorrow
he loves to dig into the earth and make a complex burrow.
Had they dwelt on the upper deck, no-one would have tried to stop them
but in the Ark's arrangement, Noah had put them on the bottom.

They scratched their way through gopher wood using their tiny claws:
Then used their sharp incisor teeth to open the hole still more.
Down and down the hamsters dug til they could no more be seen.
When Noah came that evening late he let out a deafening scream:
'They're gone! THEY'RE GONE!' he shouted loud 'Where can those rodents be?'
A close inspection of the hole caused Noah's eyes to see.

Deep below on the outer planks, the hamsters were now at work.
Unless somehow he could stop their game soon water would fill the Ark,
And flood the ship, sink the boat - all hands would be drowned!
Noah thought how foolish he'd been to put them on the ground.
Then a plan came to his mind and he rushed upstairs to trace
the whereabouts of that strange, grey beast that had a tail fixed to its face.

Soon, Noah had this animal standing in front of the hole.
Being careful not to stand on the mice and keeping well clear of the mole,
He tossed a peanut into the void, heard it clatter deep -
The animal, feeling hungry now, dropped its trunk to find the treat.
Meanwhile, Paul Mark sniffed the shell of the morsel that lay at his paws,
sinking his teeth with a crunch and crack; And grasping it firm with his claws.

The Ugly Hamster
Princess Concord

First I'd like to dedicate this to Mitch (CM)

Once upon a time,
When hamsters ran wild,
There was a batch of babies,
Just one rejected child.

This one ugly hamster,
wandered from its home,
So many different places,
"Where should I roam?"

When the hamster saw the cow pin,
He wandered right in,
the cow saw the baby and made it one of its kin.

There is no message in this poem except one ugly hamster can become a cow's baby.

The oreo cookie and the hamster

Little known is the fact
That cookies are the perfect snack
For your favorite buck tooth buddy.

This itself may seem strange
Just a little out of range
And just ask any ham
and he'll tell you No kiddin man.

The lucky rodents enjoyed their treat
But now unffortuanly there're all in heaven

The Flying Hamsters

We once were flying hamsters
A proper circus act
And if you think that's fiction
Ask Bruce, he knows it's fact.

It happened quite by accident
Just as we found our feet
We had a big red spinning wheel
To run in for a treat.

I was biggest, most adventurous
And not afraid of trying
So I climbed in, then mum climbed in
It spun - and I went flying.

My sisters and my brothers
Had to have a turn, of course
A marvellous discovery
Was centrifugal force!

Amy Self

I had a hamster
I loved him so
that is why
I let him go

They say if you love something
set it free
I prayed that he'd
return to me

He was gone
for quite a while
How missed my wayward child!

I pictured him happy
out on his own
that was when
I found his bones...

The Fat Hamster
Smelly Mitten

There was a little hamster,
Born apon the Earth one day.
Little and skinny was he,
But like this he would not stay.

He soon began to eat.
He did get rather round.
He could'nt walk around
without making giant holes.

This foolish little rodent
Just kept chewing away,
Until one day,
He blew up.

Kentucky fried hampster
Anony mouse

It has come to me,
that this restaurant,
serves chicken not,
but the meat of our furry friends.

Save the Hampsters! Don't eat KFC!

Anony mouse

You are wondering why i attack
the fast food that makes us "ack!"
I believe they serve us meat,
of hampster cheesburger treat.

Save the hampsters!

Hamster O Hamster

Hamster O Hamster you are my greatest friend,
Hamster O Hamster I hope that we can be friends till the bitter end,
Hamster O Hamster i remeber that one day i almost lost you,
Hamster O Hamster it just happend as soon as i got you,
Hamster O Hamster i rember when you scurried around that petstore floor,
Hamster O Hamster i also remember how u almost ran out that door,
Hamster O hamster it waz close u almost died,
Hamster O Hamster my mom almost cried,
Hamster O Hamster but i shut that door,
Hamster O Hamster picked u up off that floor,
Hamster O Hamster I took u home and who knew,
Hamster O Hamster that u had eyes of blue and i knew
Hamster O Hamster that me and u would be friends forever
Hamster O Hamster

Excuse Never Told

All the colors in the world
white and black and brown
smiles,smiles, everywhere
never see a frown

always happy and content
she loves life they say
never darkness in her world
sunshine every day

perkey, peppy, pleased with life
if they only knew
what was buried in my heart
they would all feel rue

it makes no difference to them
what the inside hold
it is none of their concern
excuse never told

Look 2 nature

Summer, winter, then comes spring
seasons always change
take it one day at a time
time 2 rearrange

leaves are danceing, sky is 2
swirrling all around
always changeing mood and voice
waiting 2 be found

look 2 nature 4 the cure
2 a broken heart
then 2 heal you must realize
2 end is 2 start

Do you dare...?

Music is an art form,
that is of no compare.
A pretty little tune you play,
that is...if you dare

but what is twice
not once or thrice
a note you dice
and then you slice

oh look, oh no
where do you go?
you do not know
what about the show?

then panic you do
did someone just "boo"?
your heart fills with rue
there's no starting anew

and as tears fill your eyes
your in for a surprise because...

the real concert's tomorrow!

David das Schaf

Hamster, Hamster, eine Freude in der Tat,
Spaß während alles Alters, ein Spaß, den wir benötigen.
Hmm..., wo, die es erfassen?
Wo, leben sie, eher...

Warum, die Hamsterrepublik ihr Lair ist;
Das ist, wo sie leben, sie UND ihr Haar.
Aber, wie man sie... erreicht
Sie sind viel härter als zu finden, einen Edelstein zu glätten!

Amperestunde, ist die Antwort einfach.
Sie konnten sogar sagen, daß sie unter meinem Grübchen... war
Der Lure ist keiner anders als Spam!
Ahhh, wie meine Öffnung am Gedanken des Lamms, der Gummigummireifen und des Schinkens wässert!

Ist so hier die Weise zum Baumstumpf ein Hamster;
Ergreifen Sie zuerst ein Ramster,
Und Spielraum zu wo strangeneßdothlüge.
Dort finden Sie dieses Halteseil mit einen mafia...
Geben Sie ihn allen, den Sie haben,
Und erklären Sie ihm, daß er Ihr fav ist.
Rite, das ist.
Und alles das ist, zu dem, dort ist.

Dann sind Sie, wo die Hamster durchstreifen,
Glätten Sie, was sie Haus nennen.
Dort ziehen Sie die Spam-Dose aus,
Und üben Sie sie in der Hand aus.
Bewachung als der furry Freudenswarm!
Geben Sie einfach Sie finden nicht Vlad acht, oder er bildet Sie Squirm!

Damit alles ist, daß es zu ihm gibt.
Hey, wohin gehen Sie? Mein Rat ist legit.
Sie fragen, warum ich nicht einen Hamster jetzt habe?
Gut, möglicherweise mag ich mehr eine Kuh!
So dort!
Die so gute Glückjagd und stoppen Ihren Stare!

David das Schaf

There's a hamster who's sure
that his wheels goin' somewhere
But he's ridin' a wheel to nowhere.
If e'er he gets there he knows
If the stores are all closed
With a gasp, he will die from exhaustion.
Ooh, ooh and he's ridin' a wheeeel to nowhere.

There's a bottle on the wall
But he wants to press on
'cause you know sometimes wheels leave without you.
In a cage on the desk
There's a hamster who sweats
Sometimes all of our pets are cruel-hearted...
Ooh, it makes me nauseous
Ooh, it makes me nauseous

There's a feeling I get when I look at that wheel
And that hamster is crying for leaving
In his thoughts he has seen
a purpose to his scheme
And the spinning will drive him to madness.
Ooh, it makes me nauseous
Ooh, it really makes me nauseous

And it's whispered that soon
lest he stops actin' the loon
That the wheel will break down around him
And some new bones will break
For those who had steak (????)
And the owners will echo with laughter ("Stupid Hamster!")

If there's a hamster in your cage, now
Don't be alarmed. Wow!
Just take him out and caress him (oooo).

Yes, there are two paths you can go by
But in the long run
The hamster will bless you if you save him.

Your hamster's running and he won't slow
In case you don't know
unless you call him to join you
Dear rodent, can you hear the wind blow, and did you know?
Your wheel's frikkin goin' nowhere.

And as he runs along that wheel
We can save him if we choose
All it takes is just a hand
To save that hamster from the damned
And if you listen very hard
That rat will speak to you at last
When all are one and one is all
When men and hamsters are equals!!
Then the brotherhood will stand!!
Rodents join hands throughout the land!!

And he's ridin a wheel...goin nowhere....

Tomorow's Dreams
The Arc Rose

goodbye dream, it's time to go
sad to leave you behind with no one you know
whatever happens, never flee
when i come back you'll stay with me
go forward nomatter what you feel
and the time will come when you are real
as for now i must be gone, sad
for this world leaves me mad
crazy it is, no changing it yet
it will when you come, i bet
nomatter what
little pink dreams

The Arc Rose-arcrose@mail.com

On a sandy beach he stood all alone
There he was, a Man of Stone
Wind, Rain, and Sun slowly tore off his features
These sensations he felt, and those of the Creatures
That circled round his feet and crawled up and down his back
And completely still he stood thinking of the life he did lack
And he certainly had none, as he heard Nothing, was speechless and almost blind
The little he could see stirred often in his Mind
He could see Small Beings at work and at play
Yet all seemed not to possess true life this way
These Crazed Things cared for none of any kind
But upon each others' flesh they preferred to dine
The Stone Man was confused at this, but soon lost his sight
It faded as Sun went down and so did the Light
He sighed as he realized the coming of Night
And still he stood, all alone
On that beach, a Man of Stone

David das Schaf

Oh Hami Hami Hup
I bought 3 little Hamsters
as hairless as could be
hoping to make a good dinner
for people like you and me

but when I was about to cook them
one really did his best
to show all his hamster colors
and he stood above the rest

He doesn't bite he doesn't squeal
he runs all day on his hamster wheel
he would make a mighty fine meal
but I FEEL he's better locked up in his cage

he didn't lay his droppings
on the president
although he is an inbissal
and hamster should have dropped missile

this little one makes the world better
for people like me and you
he is a really great hamster,
don't you think so too?

This hamster would make a great president
I think to be a president is what he is meant. . .for.
his speech would be oh so great
and I could be his running mate

The world would be a better place for you, your hamster and me
and Granny and Mama Pat and Aunt Nancy
and for coyotes and alligators and Austin Powers too
and for the sandwiches and pizzas that are oh so very poor(say it like this: poo-or)

Hamster could stop World War III
Against Disney Land, Six Flags, and Ger-ma-nee
Against people with outie bellybuttons
who weigh tons and tons and tons and tons

Hamster would change the world
with just one squeal
he would just run all day
on his hamster wheel

not like other Presidents
like George Washington, Lincoln, and Polk
Who worked their butts off every day
just to have a country with happy folk

But not our friend hamster,
who has grown very strong
in the polygon he would allow
a tournament of Ping-Pong

Just thinking about it makes me excited
Our President: Hamster the Hamster
but right now he is in my house,
on his famous hamster wheel

Llama (Slight Return)

A Llama is a funky BEEST
with long and shaggy W.O.O.L.
I know a single one at LEEST
this Llama is a F.O.O.L.

He has a beak for eating H.O.N.E.Y.
which is weird, they don't taste the STUFF
never having extra M.O.N.E.Y.
long neck and sPiTtInG is EnOuGh

Doesn't have to pay his WAY
makes statements with a lethal B.L.A.S.T.
Llama aims and shoots a RAY
time for acceptance came and P.A.S.S.E.D.

Llama makes no sense no MORE
no scrap of logic to be seen
nonsense, drivel, strange GALORE
Llama got to make a scene

Provided with fins for SWIMMING
Llama takes to Amazon
Larger than a frog and SKIMMING
People here now people gone

"Look out! There are Llamas!" one shouts,
ultra-urgent warning cry,
precious time is running out
'fore Llama hangs them out to dry

Periscope breaks surface tension
by the banks a Llama neck
rise with wool and terror mention
Llama cry out what the "HECK!?"

He see naught and he be wicked
yet Llama get he just rewards
Armored Cav come off the Starboard
they be MEAN and out they gourds

Llama get a darn good thrashing
Black Horse Cav from East to West
Llama spook and he get packing
to stomping ground for spitting pest



Ode to the great Stetzie Hoodini (A hamster)

Stetzie Hoodini
A creme colored hamster
Sits in her cage
Always watching suroundings

Black eyes, black ears
A little plump
But hamsters often are
Always courious, always alert
But never bitten anyone

She's an kind hamster

But if the cage is left open
Stetzie will not be there

The Battle of Far Away Land
Matt Reeves

A long time ago, in a kingdom far away,
By a shore with perfect white sand,
There were troubles among the peaceful town,
From Vikings of a far away land.

They would sail their ships, through the roaring blue sea,
And anchor on the town's white shores.
Then they'd enter the town, steal cloth and food,
As if they enjoyed starting wars.

So one day the town sent a message over sea,
Expressing the way they were.
The Vikings just laughed, as they always did,
For they were horrible people for sure.

But the Vikings were wrong, the town wanted peace,
While only getting despair,
Yet they still recieved a message declaring war,
So all they could do was prepare.

So the king gathered his knights, as they headed for shore,
And they camped there for the wait.
Yet, waiting got old, being they could do,
And all it did was enlarge their hate.

The Vikings arrived, with great numbers of men,
All armed with swords and shields.
As the knights stared in awe, watching the ships make way,
Struggling through the watery fields.

Yet a storm started up, raining like nails all around
With lightning snapping like whips,
It was to the town's luck, the unexpected,
The storm took out one of the ships.

The vikings dismounted, one by one,
Charging for the knights,
One by one now, the bodies dropped,
Wobbling more flimsy than kites.

The battle went on, for hours that day,
Until it finally reached dawn.
Fresh blood being shed, every minute or two,
Until every life was gone.

Yet a man still walked shores alone,
Praying to God every second for life,
But he knew soon enough, his life would end,
So he asked God to take care of his wife.

He sat on the beach and moaned with pain,
Thankful, for every breath.
But blood poured from his gaping wound,
Causing him only thoughts of his death.

Soon enough his grip prevailed,
And he let his spirit fly.
There he stood at the gates of heaven,
Forgetting all his pain with a sigh.

The blood, thickened with a fowl smell,
Bad enough to make you ill,
But there was peace, and silence, all around th beach,
As much as on a lonely hill.

It was a sad day, no one ruturned home,
Yet something good was accomplished my friend,
The fact is, after all the suffering,
The conflict had come to an end.

The ugly hamsterling, or whatever
Anony mouse

I don't only do fast food poems, you know.


Once opon a large box of tissues, there was an ugly hamsterling or whatever. He lived with his family of 2 parents, and 8 brothers and sisters, who were not ugly. he wished that he was normal. then one day, a few years later, the ugly hamster ling looked in a pool of water, and realized:

It's my SHIRT!

Continuing stops.
Anony mouse

Why is the continuing stopped?
The jumbo shrimp is there.
We're surrounded by military inteligence.
And the oxy morons make sense.

So why is the pleasant uncomfortable/
Why do the nosy not stare?
Why is my logic impeccable?
(now that's strange)

And why is my poem SO DUMB?

The Hamster of life.
Reed Smith(Reed the Hamster)

The full of life thy hamster was
who loved life because, he loved
the seeds he loved the feeds and
even loved thy beeds. But he was
sad of one more thing he really
wanted to sing and so he advent
-ured around the world looking
for a certain girl that help with
his dream and he found that girl
so it seamed. A happy ending cant
you se and that is what its
supposed to be.The end

Ode to a Tasty Hamster
Rachel the Hamster Lover

Hamsters are cute!
Hamsters are Neat!
Hamsters are fuzzy and cram when they eat!

Hamsters are cute
When they run on their wheel!
Their Big Shiny Eyes have tons of appeal!

Hamsters are snoogly
when they run on a shelf,
Hamsters are snugly when they clean themselves!

Hamsters like security
And hardly ever fall
But hamsters are hyper when they run in their ball!

Hamsters are quite sober,
but can be quite frisky
Especialy when loaded on cheap Irish Whiskey.

Hamsters are cute!
Hamsters are Neat!
Hampsters are tasty when you want a treat!

Instructions to Flightless
The Arc Rose

Dissembling smiles
Walk alone in the crowds
The dark paleness encompassing the miles.

When wind blows further down the dusty-wet path
All have left, no more room
Fresh air stinking, my wrath.

The fearless flights of cowards push me down
Mud in my clean hair,
Peace comes with a frown.

As I stand here, rushing off to school
Doom has saved me, I think
But I am Flightless, soaring high.

The H-Master
Wuzz Wombat

Let me tell you a tale
This tale can trail
back to the start of the neighborhood:

There once was a small house
And this house was owned by
A strange, and mysterious guy
Who is known as the H-Master

The H-Master was so wise
We said he can make the best French Fries
And build an entire airplane
While curing somebody who was insane
All during his lunch break
He was just that good

He could even create new fuel
Cross-breed the perfect mule
Write a masterpiece
Bring galactic peace
Bake and serve an apple pie
Fly a rocket through the sky
Cure all diseases
Answer all the pleases
All when he was sleeping
He was just that good, we said

Then one day we discovered
the H-Master was a phony
He was a plain old Hamster
That could only
Cook up some pepperoni
While building a car
And train the best rock star

We were all full of shame
For we had just misspelled his name

Adam Avramov

There was once a young hamsterling
That liked to shoot with a sling.
A Cat came to eat the hamsterling
But was shot by his M-16 sling
You may wonder - who's the hamster, who is the cat,
The hamster is David, the cat - Goliath.

Bethink: Mankind
Gary Stonecipher

Bethink: Mankind - Predator or Prey

Prey be Sheep - Predator be Wolf

Neither is an acceptable creature for Man to be.

Man's purpose in life, is to nurture his spiritual self.
Not lay waste to the world in seeking power and pleasance.

During the night of the present day, a child will be:
terrorized... tortured... frightened... hungry... cold...

How can one chase after pleasance, when a child lives in harms' way?
Perhaps this is because... Man has not sufficiently nurtured his spiritual self.

Man's ignorance is reflected in the Arrogance of his Self-Worship.
In placing himself above all else... Man is now King of a Dying Realm.

The Political Poesie of
A Natural Bohemian Philosopher
A Poetizing & Philosophizing on Realizing
Gary Stonecipher © ADHDelivers'
All Rights Reserved

heart - for elisha
khallise 14

i cannot trust my heart.
for it leads me in circles unending,
going on forever
i used to trust it,
but now i forget,
now i am unsure,
of what now,
i must do,
calm, comfort,
i do not have these,
for there is only havoc,
while the remanins of that faithful night
still haunts me,
whne my heart led me to believe.
spmething that was hopelessly untrue,
reminding me,
of how stupid i had been,
now i reflect and try to find,
strangth to make things right
someday i will,
someday i might,
someday i must,
find the will, the will to fight,
to make things right,
right as they were,
before the catastrophe,
of the breaking of my heart,
i almost hear it sometimes, when i am alone,
and calm and comfort are almost within reach,
then i remembber, and the there is only uncertainty...
i must make things right,
but how?
everything is swirling,
everything unsure,
my feelings, my love,
where are they?
i am troubled,
i am scared,
but must be prepared,
for some day i must
find the courage,
to once again,
trust my heart

the great weasel ambush on the hamster ninjas

As the weasel armies to the west,
skamper over the hills,
the hamster ninja warriors are,
practicing all their drills.

As the ninja hamster do pushups and crunches,
the lazy weasels munch on their lunches,

The weasels are drawing nearer...
The weasels are drawing nearer...

As the hamster are learning kung-fu,
the weasels are marching,one two, one two.

The weasels are coming...
The weasels are coming...

Then the weasel rebels break into the hut,
the hamster warriors begin to kick butt.

The weasels are here!
The weasels are here!

The hamster captain gives a command;
"let them hear the cry across the land!"


The weasels are deffinitely here...
The weasels are deffinitely here...

Then the hamster guru enters the scene,
he opens his mouth, and starts to scream,


With a swish and a scream,the weasels retreat,
and the hamsters laugh softly while chewing their meat,

The weasels are gone,
The weasels are gone.

Angel's Wings

Porcelain feathers glisten
Exuding a shimmering light
Silver and rose
With wisps of azure
Banish the dark of the night
Standing so tall
Facing all
Under the twilight sky

Skin so smooth yet fragile
Eyes of opal lined blue
Wrapped in marble
With billowing folds
Of a subtle amethyst hue
But I see just as clear
A crystallized tear
Right in the corner of your eye

A powerful guardian angel
Weeping away her distress
Before a mere mortal
Humble and lost
Plagued by her own loneliness
You seem to implore
Who suffers more?
Is it you or I?

I suppose I came here for comfort
For solace beneath your gaze
But how can you see
With your eyes so clouded
By tears of icy haze?
When speaking of life
Riddled with strife?
With sorrows that never die?

Do you even know how to suffer?
Do you know life’s joy and pain?
Or have your eyes
Been cursed to close
Never to open again?
Do you even recall
Why your tears fall?
Or do you cry without knowing why?

Moonlight touches your wings
Bathing them in its glow
The sight is dazzling
Yet haunting for someone
Like me who knows only sorrow
The winds lightly push
With a gentle brush
Like the kiss of a butterfly

Yet still you stand in silence
Unmoved by the loving caress
The zephyrs beckon
But you remain
Completely motionless
Your eyes stare at me
And then I see
That angels’ tears never lie…

Your radiant perfection is worthless
Your weeping is all in vain
For you are a mere
Creation of man
Of marble and porcelain
Trapped in your beauty
For all eternity
Is that why you cry?

Do you not regret sacrificing
The freedom with which you were blessed
For this striking beauty
But skin-deep glory
You begged for and now possess?
For that marble face
For the fluid grace
Of your wings which can never fly…?


I see you smiling back at me
But it’s just not the same
That look in your eyes
It isn’t what I want it to be
You see me as a friend
A comrade, a pal
But that’s as far as it goes
It doesn’t really hurt
It only feels…
I like it when you laugh
My heart breaks when you cry
But something’s not right
There’s a little thing
That should complete the picture
Make it beautiful
But it isn’t there
And never will be
Maybe I should have been honest
I should have told you the truth
Only now it’s too late
I let go of you
Too soon…
So maybe it’s better this way
For I don’t want to hurt you
Or sever your trust
So I just smile back at you

drunken poet

she's my seat mate
every day in class
I watch her all the time
and i think of her while i'm at mass
she is my reason for waking,
and my companion when i am asleep
in my happy place, in my dreams so deep
she is my seatmate,
and i love her so much,
even if i am scared to talk to her,
or give her a touch,
she doesn't know i am like this,
even though i sometimes drop clues,
of my feelings for her,
for everything about her,
from her smiles to her shoes
she is my seatmate
and she is my friend,
though i don't want my role their to end,
but i want to be so much more,
so much more to her,
i want to be more than a friend, a seatmate, a brother,
she is my seatmate
but i want to see,
if she just sees,
a seatmate in me.


I have my masks
There’s ‘indifferent’, ‘happy’…
‘Nonchalant’, ‘content’
All of them hiding too well
The way I really feel
Suppressing my emotions
Behind a false façade
Pushing back the tears
Behind a painted smile
Showing only feelings
That counter what I feel
Deep inside

I have my masks
They serve me very well
They do their duty
As best as they can
So I rarely take them off
Why would I? After all…
They do a very good job
Even to the point that
They almost fool me
The one who wears them
And yet sometimes they fail
All those emotions that
I took such care to suppress
Anger, hate and sadness
Jealousy and ire come out –

So while they don’t
I tip my hat
And continue this masquerade


in my cradle i rest

when i read
poems of others
ones that are better than my own,
i try to sit, and i begin to wonder,
in my wondering am i alone?
do other envy other poems,
which are results of emotions passionate and deep?
emotions that burn within the heart at every moment,
and reach our dreams in our sleep?
but if they are, is it not vain?
or is it not pride?
to be envious of anothers emotions,
emotions deep inside?
but what would one do, of one were to see,
a poem prettier than the one inside thee?
emotions more intense, than the ones in your soul?
making you feel as if one were not whole?
what if one did not know,
and one did not wonder?
of poems better, of poems worse
or of poems neither?
then one would be content,
and one would be pleased,
and my wonderings in this life,
my wonderings, they would cease
for when i again read a poem,
a poem better then my own,
i will no longer wonder,
in my wondering am i alone?

The Eyes of the Hamster
Adam Fiske

It was the middle of the night
When I awoke with such a fright
My hamster! O, she has no eyes!
'Tis just a dream, I realized

But I wanted to make sure
So I got out of bed and checked on her
I went to her cage to see
Where she awoke and looked at me

Her eyes! They were in her head no more!
They were rolling on the floor!
Oh why? Oh why? I began to cry
I fell onto my knees... oops! and onto an eye!

The eye went pop! They eye went splat!
I couldn't believe that I had done that!
I tried to catch all the pieces so very quick
But I fell on the other eye, and it went squish!

Thinking quickly, I found some glue
And a tennis ball, which I tore in two
I drew some dots on with a pen
And tried to glue them to her head

The tennis ball was way too big
It was green, and smelled like a pig
So I tried some golf balls instead
But they kept falling off her head

My final try were two bits of putty
Glued onto her head, they looked pretty funny
But they were my best and final try
So, now my hamster has play-doh eyes

The Hamster who Chewed Its Tail

Can one have a hamster really?
I sure do, her name is Lilly
She has grown quite large indeed
A diet plan, she is in need
So one fine day I released her free
But only to roam temporarily
I saw her dart, I saw her flail
I saw her again, chewing on her tail!
I grabbed her quick to see the trouble
Again she chewed it on the double
Soon she started to make herself bleed
I was greatly concerned indeed
I returned her back to her cage
Still she chewed her tail with rage
Finally she stopped and went to sleep
Into her cage at her tail I did peep
She had chewed it all the way down to half
At this sight I did not laugh
But now she seems to be filled with joy
She just loves her new found chewing toy.
(Note:This actually happened)